How to be a better sub

To be honest I don’t really know the answer but will write down what I think I have learned in 11 years of visiting a Mistress

This is really for those of us who have been seeing a Mistress for some time I’ve wrote in length about how to see a Mistress for the first time if you look back in my archive.

There are somethings that are obvious but I will just repeat them. Book as many sessions as you can especially in this cost of living crisis I feel you have to be as regular a client as possible.

Turn up on time and unless it is a emergency try not to cancel a session.

Now I was a complete novice when I started 11 years ago, I knew literally nothing and was very nervous and unsure. As the years have gone by I still am a little nervous but much more aware of my actions before durning and after a session.

What really helped me was the much criticised Twitter. I opened an account in my kink persona and very quickly found fellow subs and sissies who were ultra friendly and very helpful.

I was helped very much by a submissive from Merseyside who I frequently sent private messages to with my concerns and worries and he was kind enough to take the time to answer all my questions and give me pratical good advice.

I would say that like most things in life the harder you try and work the better things get. If you want your Mistress to be happy then you have to work at it.

I find the sessions are much more enjoyable if you fully commit to them and you let all inibitions go. I am lucky that Mistress Lilith is an expert at role plat and reading body language. Without me telling her much she knows just the right words and when to use them and knows exactly how to punish me for the maximum effect.

I find that the happier I can make Mistress in the session the more fun it is for me. Communication is the key and making sure you know what you are doing.

I find when the spanking starts to hurt if I kick my legs it makes Mistress genuinely laugh and she then spanks me harder and it is win win I feel great getting a more serious punishment and I know Mistress is really enjoying it.

I try to remmeber all through the session what I was doing or saying to make Mistress laugh and try to repeat that behaviour.

In life making people happy is one of the things I love the most and durning a session is not different,

Outwith the session if there is an onlyfans or tasks you can purchase that is also a good way of making your Mistress happy.

Be supportive of any tweets or instagram post that your Mistress has.Write a review for any of the review sites. If you are on Twitter let everyone know how much you enjoy the sessions and how much they will as well. You are basically trying to do a PR job and it really is not difficult just be enthusiastic and honest and you will be fine.

Without obviously invading your Mistresses private life find out as much as you can about her via her Twitter and Instagram posts she what she likes and favourites as I find this is an excellent way of getting gifts for her that you know she will like. Remember to ask permission first I had a fall out with a fellow sub who said I should not do this but when I asked Mistress Lilith she said it was fine.

Your Mistress will have an Amazon or a wishme list with items you can gife at all prices and this is also an excellent way of being a better sub showing you are thinking of her between the sessions.

I would say the happier I make Mistress Lilith the happier I am it makes me feel so good and I think especially in the sessions if Mistress is laughing and joking it makes the sessions so much more fun for both of us.
Quick example I am hopeless at roleplay but as sissy Marmy I find that the more I try to act like she would the better the session is. During the session when I was told I was getting extra strokes of the wooden paddle I quickly went into character and stamped my heels down and complained in a very bratty manner and Mistress Lilith started to laugh not at me but at my actions and called me a spoiled little brat and doubled the 12 strokes of the paddle to 24. Now I don’t think this would have happened if I had just stayed quiet and I know it made Mistress Lilith happy to see me playing along.

I guess I will never be sure exactly how happy I make Mistress in the sessions but I hope that I do and I hope this little piece gives you some help and ideas if you are having similar thoughts as mine.

Everything you wanted to know about visiting a Mistress/Dominatrix for the first time (but were too afraid to ask)

I do not pretend to be an expert but this is my guide written from the heart using my experience and is something I wish I had known before I started on this journey.

1. Finding a Mistress where to start.

For me it was as easy as searching for anything else on the internet.
I just typed in Glasgow spanking Mistress and very many hits came up.
You will find lots of hits for your area if you do this.
There are also many dedicated search sites that have databases of Mistress’s by region.

http://pandemos.net/directory/4582620813
http://www.ukmistressguide.co.uk/ukmistresses.html

2 What to look for on a Mistress’s site

Any reputable Mistress will have a professional website with all the information you need about the Mistress and what services that she offers.
I have been lucky enough to session with Mistress’s in Glasgow and this is her site.

http://www.mistresslilith.com/

The site has all the information you could wish to make your decision.

There will be a gallery of pictures of the Mistress showing what she looks like and some of the clothing she will wear during the session remember you are not ordering a fashion model to dress up for you but many Mistress are happy to wear a special outfit if this is part of your fetish (school teacher look,leather/rubber fetish,uniform)

There will be a description of the services offered during the session and what fetishes the Mistress will cater for so read this carefully.
If your fetish is not listed you can always ask
Apart from the practices that we all find unacceptable (anything involving children or cruelty to animals for instance) I reckon the Mistress you contact will have heard nearly all the fetishes and fantasies there are before so do not be afraid to ask if yours is not listed.

But if for what ever reason the Mistress cannot help you with your fetish then take no for an answer.
This is not up for negotiation if the Mistress does not cater for your particular fetish do not insult her by trying to persuade her to do so you will get nowhere

And under no circumstance ask for any sexual services no true Mistress would ever perform a sex act on a submissive or have a submissive perform a sex act on them if this is what you are looking for I suggest you are not really wanting a Mistress and instead look up the many prostitute/escort sites on the internet.This is about dominant,humiliation,submission and a hundred other things but it is not about sex.

There will be photos and a description of where the session will take place and what equipment is in the dungeon/studio or domestic setting where it takes place so you will know what to expect when you arrive.

There will be a page with reviews from clients just like yourself where you can read about what happened during their sessions,
There is also this good site where you can also read reviews

http://mistressreview.com/Mistress-Reviews/

There will be a page with the tributes (fees) for the session.
Depending on what type of session you want this tribute will vary in price if the tribute is not listed on the website your Mistress will let you know and agree a price once she knows what amount of time and what type of session you want when you contact her by phone.email.
Do not insult Mistress by asking for a discount these fees are non negotiable and if you are looking for money off I would suggest your heart is not into the world of submission rather you are a cheapskate

3 How to contact the Mistress

On the website there will be clear instructions on how to get in touch to arrange a session.
There will be a couple of ways to do this there may be a contact form where you will fill in your email address and space for you to put down the time you would like to visit and a description of what type of session you would like.
If this is not available there will be a mobile phone number for you to call if using the phone it is very important do not withhold your number or your call will not be answered.
Now this is vital to remember you are dealing with a professional and she should be treated as such.
A pro-domme is like any other professional (doctor lawyer etc) and she will be a very very busy person.
Do not send an email or leave a phone message and then send another if you are not answered within a couple of hours.
Be patient and you will get a reply
Do not be a pain and clog up the inbox or voice mail of Mistress with repeated messages this will also see you not get an answer.
Oh and do not be really stupid and start any correspondence with ‘hey babe’ Hi Love’ or anything similar.
You are dealing with a professional dominant woman so treat her with the utmost courtesy and be polite and respectful at all times.
You may also be asked to make a deposit of part of the tribute this is to deter time wasters and should not be a problem if you are a sincere and serious about the session you have booked.

4 The day of the session

Few things to remember

You know that sign in your Doctors surgery that says 58 patients failed to turn up for appointments this month?
Well it is exactly the same with a Mistress.
If you book a session do not treat it as something you can call off on the same day as you have changed your mind.
Respect your Mistress and respect others like you who may not be able to book a session because you have the only time slot that they could mange only to cancel.
You may be asked to phone up a couple of hours before your session to confirm please do this as it is only right and correct that your Mistress knows you are coming.

You will be given clear and easy to understand instructions on how to get to the place where the session will be taking place please make sure you have plenty of time for your journey and that you arrive for your allotted appointment time.

Make sure you are clean and presentable as your Mistress I can assure you will be immaculate and the least you can do is the same.
Make sure you are fresh and tidy have a shower or bath on the morning of your session.
I find that I am still very nervous before my session and this added to the stairs I have to climb to the studio means I am sweating a lot.
What I also do is have some wet wipes and a small can of deodorant to wipe myself down with just before I go to the door of the studio so I look and feel as good as I can for Mistress.

You may want to check the wishlist on your Mistress site for a gift you can bring Mistress.
Be sensible though if the item on the wishlist you buy is a fetish wear item keep it in the bag and out of site the studio may be in a shared building and marching in with a thigh high pair of boots in full show is not a good idea!

5 Before the session

Your Mistress will have discussed by phone or email what sort of session you will have but when you meet in person she will take the time to have a quick chat with you to go over a few things.
This is not the time to be shy if there is anything you do not understand or are unsure about speak up.
For instance I asked how I should refer to Mistress when addressing her.
Some may wish to be know by their full name others by Goddess or Madam
Use whatever you are told at all times as it shows the proper respect.
Mistress will be friendly at helpful before the session and will put you at ease please try not to be afraid to talk to her it will help both of you get the most out of the session.
Your Mistress will discuss what sort of things you are going to do in the session and will perhaps ask you a few things along the lines of

is it ok to mark you with the punishments,

what kind of role play,

what implement you want to use and don’t want to use,

what sort of limits you have

and if you are looking for a more severe punishment you may be given a safe word which when you say it the punishment will stop.
Mistress will be in control and look after you do not be scared nothing will happen that is not agreed on before
Safe sane and consensual is the order of the day.

There is an elephant in the room and that is the handing over of the tribute.
I used to and still feel a bit awkward about this but it really is nothing to worry about.
This is just you paying the going rate for a first class professional service for an expert in their field.
Mistress will ask you for this fee before the session starts and you just hand it over.
Do not be insulted if Mistress wants to count it out in front of you this is to protect you both and make sure all is in order in fact you may well have counted it out wrong and paid too much so it is best all is straight up and above board for all concerned.

Once this is concluded Mistress may leave the room for a minute.
You may be asked to strip off and kneel in the submissive position or if in my case cross dressing is part of the session this gives you time to dress up,
This is the start of your session and from now on Mistress will be in control so sit back and enjoy the ride 🙂

6 The session

Everyone will have a different session depending on their tastes but a brief rule of thumb for them all I think is as follows.

Mistress is in charge,You may have a detailed roleplay and scenario in your mind that you want to try out but Mistress is an expert at this and will give you very close to what you are looking for but will add a few twists of her own which will make the session much better than you dared dream.
Be careful there is a phrase  ‘Topping from the bottom’

If your session involves corporal punishment do not attempt to call the shots and ask to be punished in a certain order or in a certain way.
This will really cheese off your Mistress if you attempt to do this and rightly so.
You are not in control of the session Mistress is and knows far better than you how to do a fun and enjoyable session.

Don’t be worried if you become sexually aroused.Though the session has nothing to do with sex for me it can be an arousing experience when you are dominated by a powerful and beautiful woman.
I would go further it is impossible for me not to be excited and stimulated during a session no matter how much I try not to.
My Mistress always comments on this with me and this adds to the humiliation when I am told my little sissy clitty stick should not be getting hard and I must be punished more for this.

This is the fantasy you have probably had for years and you are fulfilling it so for your own sake enjoy and make the most of it and I know you will have fun if you relax and let yourself go.

Even better your Mistress will have fun as well it gives me so much pleasure seeing Mistress happy during a session and knowing that I have helped make her happy by being the best submissive I can
Like most things in life the more you put into a session means the more you will get out of it I promise you this is the case.
do not be afraid let your inhibitions go you will not regret it.

Now something happened at the end of my first session and has also happened at the end of all the subsequent other ones that I did not expect and I have to mention it.
At the end of the first session I was ordered by Mistress to relieve myself in front of her.
I was so nervous that I could not do it.
Since then I have managed to do it every time I have been ordered to.

There is absolutely no physical contact between myself and Mistress I am ordered to lie down as she stands across the room from me and gives me a time limit to orgasm if I do not do it in this time I am to be punished more.
I do not know if this is the case with all Mistress’s at the end of a session but though it makes me feel a little bit uneasy doing it as I am scared I am objectifying Mistress the fact that I know that Mistress wants me to do it and she would not order me to do it if it did not make her happy and I so want to make her happy during a session.

7 After the session

Mistress will leave when the session is done and give you time to compose yourself and get dressed.
There maybe shower facilities on offer at the studio.dungeon for you to further freshen up.
(I take my life in my hands and use the showers in the train station next to the studio there are a few horror stories I could tell about that! but I have a long journey home by public transport and I don’t want to stink the place out)
Mistress will return and you should be able to have a quick chat about the session with Mistress and you will find her as fun and friendly outwith the session as you did find strict and severe in it,This is the time to ask anymore questions and discuss what you would like to do on your next visit.
But remember Mistress is very busy and will have another session starting soon so do not over stay your welcome no matter how much you are enjoying chatting (I am still guilty of this I just want to stay and talk all day)
Remember to thank Mistress for her time and the session you had.

Well I hope this is helpful to any new subs out there and gives you an idea of what to expect when you visit a Mistress for the first time.
I am @Sissy_Sakur on twitter please feel free to add me if you want to chat or if there are any other questions you have about this I would love to talk with you and try and help in any way I can.

7. My conclusions (update 19-10-21)

I posted this in 2014 when I had been having sessions for 3 years and still not hit double figures in sessions with Mistress Lilith and was still learning as I still am tosay reaching my 10th anniversary of being in submiaaion with Mistress Lilith.

Looking back I think it is still pretty much relevant and I have not edited anything .

If you happen to stumble across this as a novice and it helps that would be wonderful you have to trust me you can’t be any worse of a nervous wreck than I was when I first booked and attended a session. Honestly I was is such a state but withing 5 minutes I knew I had made the right choice and I can say hand on hard ten years later and dozens of sessions in I still fee lthe same sense of excitment and endless wonder every single time I walk into that studio and see and hear Mistress Lilith.
I thought about going for a session literally for about 20+ years before I actually managed to do it and I have only one regret that I ddn’t do it way sooner.

Life for me is fleeting there is nothing that has convinced me on my time of Earth that there is anything after our natural lifespan and that our conciousness dies when we do, Faith is not evidence so I feel you must act on your deepest fantasies now and do not waste a precious moment because it could all end in an instance.

My life in general is not a happy one but the hours spent in a session with Mistress Lilith are as happy a time as I have ever spent in my life. Please do not be scared the reality is much better than the fantasy. Take the plunge don’t have regrets years later you will find a whole new undiscovered country awaits you and will meet some of the very most remarkable people you will ever know in your entre life.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?*

** 

 

So I was pondering my kink life again during a back breaking Saturday shift at work I do not know if I have written about this before and I am too lazy to check my blog so for the tiny number of people who read this I apologies if it is more boring as usual as it is a repeat of an earlier post.

So I was thinking of Mistress Lilith as I do every day at some point and I was as usual going over the last session and how I behaved and did I make sure that Mistress had fun.
I came to the conclusion that I should have done better but I always feel that way. All part of the magic that is me is deep worry,neurosis with a bit of selfl loathing thrown in to the mix

* At the risk of heresy I have always thought that Bohemian Rhapsody is not the best rock song ever written well sung and the guitar playing excellent but I think it is a load of pretentious nonsense.

**   Janus the ancient Romans God of new beginning and the past and future amongst other things. Click his name for more info

 

So anyway I was thinking what is the Vanilla me like compared to Marmy during sessions.

VANILLA ME

Ok first thing is physical apperance
You would notice that I am very small*
Then you would notice my messy hair
The way I now walk with a limp**
Also very hunched up terrible posture
My terrible left eye which is permanently stuck to the left of the socket
Broken nose umpteen times fixed poorly so there is a big bump in it
I am very soft spoken
I dont often talk for very long when I do talk
Very shy painfully shy
I avoid eye contact at all times which seems to worry some people
I have no confidence in myself in work or social occasions none at all
I never put myself forward or want to be noticed
A neurotic mess
So basically a short shy quiet funny looking man
I am also mostly deeply unhappy and full of self loathing
Self hate so bad I cut my arms up with a stanley knife to help stop the mental torment

*   Measured at hospital last month 5 foot 6 inches
** I need an artificial knee and have been told it could be 15 years till I get one

MARMY ME

I walk with perfect posture due to the fact I am still scared of falling wearing high heels so I have a straight back and shoulders and concentrate on each step
The wig I wear hides my bad eye so that makes me happier
I can actually look at Mistress Lilith without hiding away
I maintain eye contact at all times *
I am confident in myself
I actually talk non stop
Most of what I say is very cheeky which is very brave or foolish to do whilst in a session with Mistress Lilth
I am more outgoing than in any other situation in life
I want to look at myself in the mirror
I want Mistress Lilith to take photos and videos of me in the session
I actually like how I look though I know I look ridiculous in womens clothes I do not care
I tell jokes and laugh and even sing which I never do in the vanilla world
For as long as the session lasts I am content with myself and even more surprising I am as happy as I have ever been in my life
Even when I change back into my clothes at the end of the session I still am hyper and excited and talk on and on.

* My first session was nearly my last. I was not prepared for Mistress Lilith having only seen photos on her website.
Seeing this confident,powerful,and beautiful woman in the flesh was too much to take and I thought I will never have another session after this one as Mistress Lilith is just to attractive and all I will do is just stare and then avert my gaze when she looks back at my hideousness.
Thankfully I have mostly stopped feeling like this not that I do not still find it a shock everytime I see Mistress Lilith in a session especially if there has been a few months between them.

So like the picture of Janus at the top of this boring blog post I am two seprate entities in the one body.
I need more of Marmy in my vanillia life more outgoing and fun and not afraid to speak up.
It is how to do it that is the problem.

 

 

 

Can a Mistress learn from a sub/slave?

 

Question in the title was asked by a fellow member of the subsunion (Hi Lars) on Twitter which got some rich and varied answers. A really good question which got lots of replies and gave a good insight into the mindset of my fellow submissives and how they view the relationship in a session with their Mistress.

While we are on the subject of the subsunion I strongly urge you to check out the great new blog site Subs Union Blog

I highly recommend it as it has interesting insightful articles from very astute subs and certainly better than the same navel gazing self pity rubbish you will read here.

Back to topic and I was surprised one Mistress answered and said she had learned a lot from her clients. most of my fellow subs friends they had learned a lot from their Mistress and a couple said they thought it was a two way street and both parties could learn things over a period of time in the sessions.
I respect the views of my fellow subs a lot and it was good to read their thoughts as they answered in depth and very honestly.

However my neurosis and anxiety make me worry when asked a simple question like this.

I can’t or would not  presume to speak for Mistress Lilith

Mistress Lilith has 19 years of being a Domme and has trained many more Dommes in that time.
I guess she has seen and done it all in her time  with subs and all sorts of weird and wonderful kinks and fetishes so nothing would faze her.

I personally do not think Mistress Lilith has learned a thing from me in the 6 and a half years that I have been fortunate to serve.
In my case it certainly is not a two way street I am the only person who is learning anything which is great but at the same time I wish I could be memorable enough or interesting enough to make some kind of impression.
Don’t get me wrong the sessions are great and they are exciting and scary and unpredictable thanks to Mistress Lilith’s wicked sense of humour and strictness.

It is all on me I cause problems for myself my anxiety goes through the roof at the best of times and during a session which is one of the few real joys in my life they take over

 

 

In fact the real worry is not can I teach my Mistress anything new it is more that I am worried that instead of a exchange of ideas and a fun session for both parties my particular kink and still shyness in a session makes me appear boring
Again this is all on me Mistress Lilith has always been great in every session and keeps me on my toes I genuinely do not know what to expect which is a testament to an amazing Mistress.

It is myself that worries.

No two way street no exchange of ideas or a teaching moment just a run of the mill bog standard and perhaps a boring sub
I bore myself in the real world a lot of the time so it would be not huge surprise if I am boring in my kink life.

 

 

So the answer to the question is in my case I don’t think so. I don’t think a painfully shy sub with six and a half years experience of sessions has anything to teach a very experienced Mistress of over 19 years .

It may well be different for other subs and their Mistresses  but I am as sure as I can be that it is not a learning experience is a session with me I am far too predictable and unexciting.

I am best to just listen and learn and enjoy during a session and try and make it fun for the Mistress I serve.
I honestly don’t think I have much to teach anyone.
So I guess this is a long and round about way of me answering the question by saying some subs may teach a Mistress occasionally in a session but I am in real doubt that I ever have or will

 

 

 

 

 

2018 year in review Between Scylla and Charybdis

So another year (my sixth and a half) as a submissive.

What have I learned?

Probably that no matter what I try my submissive kinky side mirrors my vanilla real life persona.

I always think of myself as the nearly man in the boring real world
I nearly was a full time football player and was close to making it big but just fell short*.
I nearly married the love of my life but fate played a hand to stop it**
Neither of these were entirely my fault but again as I am the common denominator I guess I have to own up and admit there maybe I’m to blame for both.
I now worry I am the nearly man in my kinky life.

* Three Scotland caps at Under 16 and Under 18 level then I was let go as I was on the verge of making it into the 1st team of a really big club and then homesickness and having to earn money as my family was going through a crisis stopped my football career dead in it’s tracks

** This hurts to this day. I had a real chance at happiness with the woman of my dreams the love of my life and boy did I make a complete mess of it. I wrote about it at length on my vanilla blog but I bore enough people with my kinky blog so I doubt anyone would want to read it on here if I posted a link

So yeah the nearly man. This year I only managed 4 sessions not for the want of trying 2 sessions were last minute cancellations when the fates decreed they would stick their neb in where it was not wanted.

The Xmas one was particularly hard to take as I had lots of presents that I was so looking forward to giving to Mistress Lilith,
I try to be as honest as I can in this blog and I am not going to lie not being able to hand over the present I got ruined the festive season for me it really did

My best friend calls me an emotional vampire. I asked what it meant. He said when things are happy and I am relaxed with friends I bloom and blossom and am a very fun person to be with in a positive atmosphere.
The opposite is true if something goes wrong or I am feeling down or with negative people then I resort to being a doom monger and wallow in self pity and sadness.
I suck the happiness or sadness in a situation and act accordingly.

Anyway I psychoanalyse myself  far too much in this blog I am sure everyone is as bored with it as I am.

The actual sessions in Abstrakt Me  were great as always. Mistress Lilith is in semi retirement and only works two days a week now and is enjoying the well deserved time off.
However her love and infectious enthusiasm is still very clear and the sessions are as good if not better than ever.

This year I had my first session in the schoolroom which was wonderful despite the heat from the unusually scorching hot heatwave that got lost on the way to the Caribbean and ended up sitting over Scotland for a few weeks *
The other sessions with the input of Mistress Lilith were of a more severe variety which added a whole new dimension and outlook for me.

* The session in the schoolroom added a whole new dimension and though I have grown used to and like the dungeon setting it was nice to be somewhere a little different. Oh but the heat. Mistress Lilith was amazing and as wonderful as always but I was struggling with both windows open and a fan on plus two ice packs I was perspiring even worse than normal and left the room three inches deep in my sweat (well it seemed like that)

The schoolroom after the flood level of my sweat had been removed

I had said a few times without thinking to Mistress Lilith that I thought it impossible to be spanked over the knee and be reduced to tears. I felt that a hand spanking would have to take too long no matter how skilled the spanker and I guess in a way I still think this is true and am willing to be proved otherwise.However Mistress Lilith as usual without any fuss or warning managed to skilfully raise my limits and the remaining three sessions were harsher than the last.

The main catalyst for this seemed to be the introduction of the wooden bath brush.
How can I describe it?

Sheer hell
Bloody murder
Absolute agony
Total nightmare
Pure pain
Severe anguish

Basically all of the above.
It looks nothing sitting on the counter. In the hands of the wickedly adroit Mistress Lilith it becomes almost a supernatural entity.
The pain from even one blow is something to behold. The accuracy of two or three blows on the exact same spot has you crying out loudly. More than a minute of constant spanking and you are reduced to tears.
The last 2 sessions of the year were within a fortnight of each other in October. In both I am sure I Way exceeded my limits in the amount of punishment I took.
I was badly bruised and  the skin was broken in several places. The joy this gave me was sheer bliss.
I hate my body but I could not stop looking at the marks on my bum.

Now it is not a competition and I am not saying it is but from my fellow friends on twitter (waves at the subs union) I have always surmised that I take a lot less punishment than they do. I now no longer think this is the case.
Funnily enough with being punished so hard that I am crying you would think the session would be harsh and very serious.
I find the opposite is true between the punishments there is lots of joking and laughing.
I do not know why this is the case it just seems to be and it is great fun.
So I move onto 2019 and should be hoping for more sessions but I am in a between Scylla and Charybdis situation* all of my own making.
For reasons of my own stupid silly neurosis I am wary of asking for a session. My good mate Lars earlier on in the year read me the riot act about my being needy and wanting too much time of Mistress Lilith so I find myself desperate for a session but scared to ask for one. I don’t trust myself to not annoy and pester someone who I love to the moon and back. I just do not trust myself

* Im sure you know what it  is but click the link if you don’t.

So I head into 2019 with a lot of fears and worries I really do not know what to expect. As everything inside my head and real life is crumbling I try to cling on to some sanity and fun in my kinky life.
I want more sessions.
I want to try and challenge my hard limits of which a birching and a strap on session are two I have been wanting to try for years
But my pathetic paranoid self is walking familiar paths again and I am not sure I will have another session never mind ask to try something new

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eternal sunshine of the submissives mind

(Yes I know I’m rubbish at photoshop)

For nearly 6 years I have been visiting Mistress Lilith and I tentatively think I can call myself a true submissive.
First of all this is not a competition or comparison with my fellow subs.
We are all different in all but one respect that we love and admire the Mistress we serve.

My last session with Mistress Lilith makes me with a caveat of course was a different level than I have had before.
The previous session which I wrote about here was a truly remarkable experience where without much fuss or fanfare my limits were delicately and deviously pushed way beyond anything I had ever had before.
Again it is not a competition everybody has limits it is none of my business what any other sub can take as punishment I am only judging on what I myself can take.

The last session it was 10 days before the marks faded from my bum. This was by far the longest any punishment had lasted, Mistress Lilith had warned me in one of the most exciting yet scary tweets I had ever seen

 

 

It was the session of a lifetime. It made me as happy as I have ever been. However I wondered if I had sort of reached a peak.Not with Mistress Lilith I mean you could have one hundred sessions and it would be as fresh new and unpredictable such is her talent and devilish imagination.
No it was me who thought about the next session and wondered how it could possibly compare to the last one.

One thing kept coming back to my mind was have I reached the submissive version of hitting the wall?
I was punished way above what I have been used to I could see no way that the next session could be harsher.

Then again I should have know better that Mistress Lilith would have other ideas. The run up to the session was low key I never really tweeted much about it just to say I was looking forward to it. I kept busy reading blogs from two good fellow subs and I would like to think friends on twitter find them here well worth a read much better than my ramblings

slave5toelysia

Beardedsub 

So session day finally came. I was like a drowned rat.Storm Bawbag or whatever it was called hit Glasgow and kept hitting. Me having no sense has a silly pair of training shoes on which instantly got soaked. My knee (I will need an artificial one in 2 year according to specialist but thats a whole other story too boring to go into) was really hurting I tried and failed to hide the limp. I arrived at the studio and was scared to come in the door as I was a literal walking puddle.

Mistress Lilith looked after me got me a towel and let me compose myself* and we had a brief chat before I got dressed knocked on the door twice** and waited for the session to start.

 

 

*I’m the absolute opposite of composure before a session. I talk myself into a frenzy instead of calming down.
** I should explain this is the signal that I am dressed and ready for the session to start. Every and I mean every time I chap the door I hurt my knuckles I’m sure I have left an imprint the amount of times I have hit the door far too hard.

 

So the session starts and my knee is barking. Mistress Lilith does not mess about I am over her knee for a hand spanking. Right away I knew something special was going to happen. I can’t explain it I’m the least spiritual/magical/whimsical person you could meet I have no beliefs other than proven scientific facts I consider everything else to be nonsense.
But I can only say and claim I felt something special was going to happen, I can’t explain the feeling but it was there. There seemed to be electricity in the air there was an almost thick shadow like walking into to a convention of cigar smokers it was real it was not my Now as I have said many times before a hand spanking from Mistress Lilith is no laughing matter it hurts a lot and quickly. This one seemed much harder. I don’t think it technically was Mistress putting more force in I just seemed to feel it more than usual.
Thankfully the wooden paddle was missing but the leather paddle with holes also made an appearance and I was already struggling. Again I don’t think it was used with more force than usual it just hurt more.
Then the worst of the lot the big wooden hairbrush made an unwelcome appearance it was upstairs in the school room where it was bothering nobody and I was quite happy about this but Mistress Lilith made an effort to get it just for me which I said was most kind of her to do

 

 

Of course my sarcastic tome did not go unnoticed and the hairbrush spanking was by far the worst I have ever had. Everything is relative I guess but the previous session I think it took about 20 minute to have me literally crying my eyes out.
This session it took less than 5.

I know my resistance may have been weaker due to my damaged knee but I really don’t think this was the main cause. I think it was for the first time in all my session I really let myself go and truly submitted, I don’t mean in the others I was holding back or not treating them seriously I try to do the absolute best in every single thing I do in life.
I think this session was me finally letting go of all inhibitions at last.

Onto the spanking table. Mistress Lilith then used the bigger leather paddle  I was pushed right to the brink with this  I thought I was going to have to say the safe sentence*
Somehow I managed to take all the strokes bawling my eyes out much to Mistress Lilith’s delight I don’t think I have heard her laugh as much as she did in this session which really pleases me.
I turned my head to the side to watch Mistress Lilith as she went to the container that has the canes. She picked out a very thin cane looked like it was covered in black leather and smiled and said is a gleeful voice ‘Oh look something new let us try it out Marmy’
I knew this was not going to be fun even from the sound it made as Mistress Lilith swished it in the air.
But the sight of such a powerful strong dominant and beautiful woman swishing a cane makes my heart leap with joy I normally avoid eye contact but I just could not stop looking at Mistress Lilith.
‘I’m going to leave marks that will last for a month this time’ a sentence that made me want to faint through fear and joy at the same time

 

 

*I’m not going to give away the secret of what the safe sentence is. It is very rude and very funny and book a session and find out for yourself I dare you.

 

Now remember at this point I was at breaking point. I reckon the pain and the amount of times I burst out crying had already beaten (pardon the pun) the last session which was itself miles harsher than any before. So I was genuinely scared of what was to follow and thought I will have to say those horrid words. At the same time I was having a great session and I think I can say with confidence Mistress Lilith was really enjoying herself so I vowed to make an effort to last as long as I could.
‘We will start with twenty’ Mistress Lilith said in a happy sing song voice.

The first stroke came almost as the last word came out of her mouth I was not expecting it to happen so fast.
How to describe that first stroke?
I was lying on my tummy fully stretched out on the bondage bed.
I went from this position to my top and bottom half of my body suddenly jerking upward.
My body went into the shape of the letter U.

Nothing I have had in the sessions before hurt me as much as that first stroke* I was totally unprepared for it. I also let out one of those cries that starts with just air no words a sort of hissing sound you hear when you turn the gas ring on your cooker. Then when I could catch breath I let out what can only be described as a Yodel with a Scottish accent going through the octaves from soprano to deep baritone.
This was breaking point there was no way just no way I could take a stroke more.
But Mistress Lilith was so happy.
‘Oh this is a lovely cane’ she almost sang and came over and smiled and patted me on the head.

Then and there I think I became a proper submissive no matter how much it was going to hurt I wanted to make it to the end.
The next stroke was ever worse than the first one.
Then three in a rapid succession a eye watering burst of pain
I could hear Mistress Lilith’s heels as she walked back and forward I would then feel the cane on my bottom and was flinching waiting for it to leave then come crashing down again so bad my legs started to shake.
I had no idea I was capable of taking this much punishment and I know anyone who is daft enough to have read this far is probably thinking it is nothing to the punishment they take but as I said I have never considered my fellow subs as competitors we all have different limits and none of us should have to justify what is too much pain to anyone
I always felt safe at no time did I feel things were out of control even though a million things were going through my mind I kept thinking this is me really arriving as a submissive I am pushing my limits here and have given myself totally over to Mistress Lilith.

 

*In no particular order the implements I am scared of most
Red /Black studded paddle (even getting the black side rubbed across you hurts it is so rough
Large wooden brush. Sheer pain that is all I want to say about it
Vegan whip Absolute murder covers every inch
Large wide leather paddle another horrid one that hurts the entire cheek
New black thin cane see above

 

Through tears I said to Mistress Lilith that a strange thought came to my mind,A quote from film director Alfred Hitchcock.
Im paraphrasing here

If a bomb goes off in a film after 30 minutes the audience will get a fright and be scared for a few seconds. If in my film they are told a bomb will be going off in 30 minutes from now they will be scared for a full 30 minutes.’

 

This is nearest I could find

 

 

This also made Mistress Lilith laugh she said it was the first time Alfred Hitchcock had been quoted in a session to her

The rest of the strokes were almost a blur. All  I remember was being told to count them out properly and stop ‘sobbing’ the numbers out or it would start from the beginning again.
Even thought it hurt so much I felt so happy Mistress Lilith kept a running commentary on how my bum was looking if there were cane marks or bruising.
I love it when she does this.

Now at this stage I was a snivelling sobbing mess. My bum hurts so much even when I was walking.
But the best was yet to come.

I was ordered down the steps and to lie on all fours. I was then caned with a normal cane which whilst not as bad as the evil black one was very painful and again I was crying my eyes out.
But then the most wonderful thing happened and something I will remember to my dying day I am deadly serious about that.
I have never felt so happy nor as submissive I was totally and utterly under Mistress Lilith control.
Mistress Lilith stood astride me and started to cane me vertically.
These strokes hurt just as much as the evil black canes ones.
What was worse was there was no number specified I had no idea when it was going to stop a proper punishment caning I’m certain it was my first and just as certain and hope it won’t be my last.

Then the most wondrous and magical thing happened to finish off the best session of my life.
Mistress Lilith told me to stop moving and she was fed up with my sobbing.
Mistress Lilith got my head and tightly squeezed it between her legs* while she continued the rest of the caning.
I could not move was in severe pain from a blistering caning but all I could do was look at Mistress Lilith’s perfect legs and her high heels and I experienced a feeling of sheer bliss there are very few occasions in my life where I have felt such joy
I couldn’t really hear anything just felt the cane strokes as they lashed down on me.
This was my first proper punishment caning there was no set number to count I was going to get as many as Mistress Lilith decided.
I just though how this must look a Dominant powerful beautiful woman totally in control and me having my head clamped by her shapely but powerful calf muscles .
I no longer cried out in pain I just kept saying Oh God Oh God Oh God**
I’m deadly serious. This final caning was one of the happiest joyous and amazing things that has ever happened to me in my life my real or fantasy life it is right up there with some of the truly joyous moments I have had and is by a mile the best thing that has happened to me in years.My heart was so full of such joy I felt it may burst.

This moment this perfect moment of clarity where I was in total submission to a powerful dominant and gorgeous woman I had reached my Nirvana.
The caning finally stopped and I was released I was then ordered to kiss Mistress Lilith’s shoes both of them this filled me with great joy as well.
I would never dream of topping from the bottom but my dearest wish is in a future session to be caned and have my head clamped again in this manner.

 

*This had briefly happened before in a triple domme session when Mistress Ana was spanking me over her knee and she asked Mistress Lilith to keep my head still and she clamped my head with her legs.It was wonderful then but even better this time.

** I’m not kidding I was at a level of happiness I never really knew existed.I hope to experience it again.

 

So I got home and managed to get a good look and take pictures of my backside! I’m too shy to post them. It was amazing such precision cane strokes and bruised and marked all over.
It was by far harsher than the last spanking no doubt in my mind.
Makes me wonder what the next one will be and how it can undo the last one.
One thing for sure Mistress Lilith will manage to do it.

I posted this tweet after the session and I stand by it every word.

 

 

Only a poet could put into words the sheer beauty of Mistress Lilith and the session with her.The twaddle I have written above does not do it an iota of justice
I am so thankful I have been lucky enough to session with her and I hope to as much as possible and as long as possible.
I have a genuine and platonic love for Mistress Lilith she is a star who I am happy to orbit and occasionally be allowed to gaze at her in all her glowing beatitude
This clip is exactly how I feel about Mistress Lilith I don’t care if people find it soppy.

 

 

 

No….. words to describe………..No words to describe….poetry they should have sent a poet..so beautiful…so beautiful….so beautiful..so beautiful. I had no idea..I had no idea

I know that I know nothing or How I stopped worrying and loved the cane or dreams that come true can turn into a nightmare

My latest session was the best ever.

I don’t know where to start.

There are no words to do it justice.But I shall give it a try.

Be warned this may be too long don’t read material

All of this that happened would not have been possible without my Goddess Mistress Lilith

Mistress Lilith webpage for booking sessions
Mistress Lilith fan page

 

PART 1

I have been lucky enough to have sessions with a number of Mistresses and each one is marvellous and different and it has been a pleasure to be in the company of these wonderful ladies.

In my head I have a little list of whom I think spanks the hardest and who is most lethal with the cane or who scares me with the ferocity of their use of the tawse.

One thing however I have always thought is that I could not be spanked over the knees to tears. I always thought that the tears came after the otk when the straps and canes come out to play as I am tied over the spanking bench.
It was always a fantasy of mine to be spanked so hard while over the knee that it brought me to tears. I feel closer to Mistress Lilith in this position I feel her dominance more I feel more submissive it just feels natural and I am totally powerless and give myself fully to her.

So for my most recent session I discussed this with Mistress Lilith, I said I was terrified of topping from the bottom but I would like to try the more severe punishments for this session with the otk not just a painful warm up but the start of the real punishment.

I had no doubts this session was going to be different but I was not prepared at all for how it turned out and how it made me feel.* I thought it would go along the usual lines with unexpected little surprises as Mistress Lilith usually does keeping every session fresh and different from the last.

* I am writing this on Monday the session was on the Friday.I am still bouncing off the walls and talking at 100 miles an hour.Never had a reaction to a session like this before.

 

Mistress Lilith was laughing as she took a leather paddle with holes, a wooden paddle and thick plastic stick with holes from the assortment of scary implements on the wall of pain as I call it.
‘You are not in big trouble this time Marmy’ she said with a beautiful smile that made me weak at the knees and my heartbeat stop then race at a thousand miles an hour.
So the session started as normal. I was pulled over Mistress Lilith’s knees and she started to hand spank me.I tried the old wearing two pairs of panties trick.
When this was discovered I said ” I’m just trying to inject a little variety into your life Mistress’
This got a snort of derision and the reply
‘The only variety is the variety of marks I’m going to make on this backside”

Now a Mistress Lilith hand spanking is not to be treated lightly*.It hurts but right away I realised the shocking truth.
All previous hand spankings hurt but none of them I now know were full force. This full force hand spanking had me squirming across Mistress Lilith’s knees and shouting out in pain.
Then the leather paddle. After less than a minute it was clear this was going to be the harshest punishment I have ever taken. The wooden paddle however is where the trouble started and when I knew I had bitten off more than I could chew.
It just about covered 3/4 of the cheek of my backside but the force behind it meant I could feel it on the other side. I really started to struggle and Mistress Lilith never stopped she had a random rhythm some fast strokes on the exact same spot then slow alternate strokes but one constant was each was harder than the last.
Then breaking point in more ways than one was the stick with holes.
The first blow that landed hurt as much as any items I have had used on me. I didn’t think I could take even one more stroke.Of course I took several dozen.
I started to cry just little cries and tears in my eyes then sobs and wet tears dropping on the wooden floor then huge big cries of pain and genuine full blown crying and sobbing**
There was no respite from Mistress Lilith.
‘A spanking is supposed to hurt’ she said
‘This one has just started’
She was not kidding.
We went back to the start and a hand spanking which hurt twice as much this time.
The leather paddle had me kicking my legs and crying even louder.
The wooden paddle produced just sobbing sounds I could not speak it hurt so much.
‘Something to say to me Marmy?’ Mistress Lilith said with a happy voice.
Through sobs and with a weak voice I managed to say
‘As always you were right you can be spanked to tears over the knee’
‘I’m always right you should know that by now and I have not even started this spanking’
‘No’ I said
‘WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME’ Mistress Lilith said slightly raising her voice but it sounded like a Goddess speaking to me and echoed through the room.
You see saying no to Mistress Lilith if you pardon the pun is a no no. I learned that a long time ago and every session I exhaust my limited vocabulary trying to think of words that mean no. I should really have a pocket Thesaurus with me to help.
‘Sorry Mistress’
‘You will be’

‘You wanted spanked to tears over my knee didn’t you? Well they say dreams that come true often become a nightmare’ Mistress Lilith said in an almost sing song voice.
Then as I was being thrashed with the wooden stick with holes I had an almighty acid reflux attack.I literally spewed out on the floor.

*Her self titled ‘Big Eyrshire Hauns’ Big Ayrshire hands for anyone outwith the West of Scotland.

**   When I think back it was 90% tears caused by the considerable pain and 10% joy that my fantasy of being dressed in stockings suspenders high heels short skirt and wig and being spanked over the knee so hard that I was crying was finally happening.
I think I was also crying over the traumas new and present in my life they say a good cry is cathartic.
Also as brutally honest as I can be as I try to be on this blog I enjoy F/F spanking videos
The one I watch the most is called Spanking girls faces, A front on shot of girls being spanked till they cry
I  don’t watch it as I enjoy seeing women hurt quite the contrary I watch it as I wish I was dressed like them and getting the same punishment from a strong dominant woman as they are getting. It is only fair I allow the same level of punishment to myself to see how I would cope.
As you shall read not very well my admiration for these girls knows no bounds they are tougher than me.

 

PART 2

My brain immediately as it does when things go wrong took the chance to stick the boot into me
The horrible voice in my head
‘Nice one in the middle of a session of a lifetime you upchuck acid all over the floor you can’t do anything right‘

‘I’m so sorry Mistress I’m so very sorry’ I said weakly thinking that’s it end of session.

I should have known better. Mistress Lilith being an experienced and responsible Mistress had asked about any health issues I have and knew of my trouble with stomach acid.

‘Don’t worry here clean it up’ Mistress Lilith handed me some wet wipes and I cleaned the mess up and washed my hands and face.
Honestly I expected it to be the end of the session.

Again I underestimated the awesomeness of Mistress Lilith.

‘I have a duty of care while you are with me are you happy to go on there is no problem with stopping the session’ I was asked.

‘I would love to go on please and I am so so sorry’ I replied

‘Nothing to be sorry about now change of position over the spanking bench’ Mistress Lilith ordered.

I could not  believe my luck this wonderful session was not going to be derailed despite the best efforts of my neurosis or physical problems.

Once I was over the bench I though the session would be milder after my accident.
Could not be further from the truth.

Right away the terrible trio of paddles were given a workout on my very painful backside all with a wonderful commentary from Mistress Lilith of how bruised and marked I was getting.

It didn’t take long for the tears to start then the sobbing then the bawling my eyes out

‘I told you you were going to get spanked till you couldn’t take anymore then you were going to get spanked harder’ said a happy Mistress Lilith she clearly was enjoying this.
I have never had a safe word with Mistress Lilith I know what she wants a sub to say as a safe word but she is so skilled that even when I was well past what I usually take for punishment I didn’t want to say it.

It must take years of experience and no small amount of talent to be able to push the boundaries of a submissive like that.
I was being punished way over my limits but at no time was I scared I felt safe and reassured with Mistress Lilith. I had absolute trust in her and my devotion to her made me want even harsher punishment. It really is remarkable the effect she has on me.
Gosh sometimes I wish she was my life coach I would be a happier and more successful person if that were to happen.

Mistress Lilith stopped for a drink of Cranberry juice saying the juice was the same colour as my backside and she returned with the diary I had to write for this session.
She was not pleased one little bit found my work writing and all round effort not good enough.
In all she found 20 mistakes which equalled 20 strokes of the cane.

The caning was by far the worse I have ever had.

1st stroke I starting sobbing uncontrollably again.

‘Marmy there are 19 to go and I am hardly hitting you they are going to get harder as they go on’  Mistress Lilith said and I could hear the happiness in her voice which made me happy.

Then I said the single most stupid thing I have ever said in a session.

‘I shudder to think what a full force stroke feels like if that is hardly hitting me’

Before the last word was out Mistress Lilith showed me what a full force cane stroke from her was like*
At first I couldn’t make a sound then I let out a sort of rasping gasp then a high pitched whine that frightened every dog and cat within a 20 mile radius  as every cubic centimetre of breath left my body all at once and flew up through the roof up into the sky  flashing through the Van Allen Belts and the atmosphere past the International Space Station and headed for the Andromeda Galaxy where in 20 thousand odd years an alien on his planet will look up at the sky and wonder what the high pitched screaming noise is**
By far the hardest I have been hit by anything in nearly six years of sessions.
Mistress Lilith was really happy.
‘It has broke the skin and with the paddle marks it looks like a smiley face’ she gleefully said.
I always wonder and worry terribly that Mistress Lilith isn’t enjoying the sessions with me.
Mainly because I am a neurotic mess but this day I was in no doubt she was laughing and really happy.
The next part of the caning was 6 ferocious strokes so fast I did not have time to count them.
‘How are you feeling Marmy’ asked a clearly unconcerned Mistress Lilith as she stiffed a laugh.
Before I could get off a smart reply another 3 blistering strokes had me again screaming in a high pitch not heard since the last Castrato died***
Again this was a punishment way beyond anything I have ever had before.
I am not in any competition with any of my fellow subs (waves to my good friends in the Twitter subs union) but I always think from what they say and from pictures posted that I get off lightly.
Well not today.
How I got through the last nine I do not know.
If fact I lost count and ended up getting 21 strokes of the cane.
Again like the village idiot I am in a session I said ‘That’s unfair I got one extra’
Mistress Lilith dragged me back over the spanking bench and gave me another full force stroke.
‘Now you have 2 extra’ with an almost giggle in her voice.
I could not move for the pain I tried rubbing my sore bottom but touching it hurt. What I could feel were bumps and all the cane marks.Despite the pain and tears I felt so happy and again some of the tears were tears of joy.

* Where were you at approx 4.50pm on Friday 21st? Did you notice the window blinds move? The drink in your glass suddenly have ripples? As I’m sure the scream I eventually let out was about 3.6 on the Richter scale enough to cause some structural damage on old buildings.
** Aye ok I know space is a vacuum and there is no sound I just wrote that for comedic effect. I do (believe it or not) have a diploma from Harvard University completing a long distance course in Astronomy. 

*** Read all about it Marmy screaming

PART 3

I thought that was it but I failed to please Mistress Lilith at the end of the session* at one point she slapped my face for my talking myself down and when I wouldn’t stop doing it she had enough and started to choke me. It was all done in good humour but scary at the time she is one very strong woman.

For my failure I was told extra punishment was to be given.
The thickest heaviest and just all round mean Tawse was brought out to play.
I had to bend over for 3 strokes on the bare.
I thought I can handle this I am well warmed up.
Will I ever learn.
The twase bit and wrapped itself round my whole bum and the two tails snapped viciously at the side of my thigh.
Sheer agony and I was blubbering again.
Then something that has not happened for a while and I am giving the game away.
Six of the tawse on the hands.
I both love and hate this.
Obvious Mistress Lilith puts her shoulder into each stroke and even after one I am struggling to cope.3 on both hands lefts them reddened and bruised even now as I type this 3 days later my hands still hurt.
I love it because I have to stand in front of Mistress Lilith and I can see her in all her glory and how she towers over me how she radiates power and dominance.To see her smiling at me then bringing the tawse down on my hands is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.
I love being tawsed on the hands by her I know she doesn’t read my blog (who does?) so it is safe to say that.
This was not the session done.
As again I stupidly mentioned that the punishment on my thighs in the last session hurt days later I got more of the same.
I have no idea which hurts more. Front of the thigh is sheer agony.Back of the thigh is absolute murder.
But again both afford me the view of a dominant powerful beautiful woman punishing me so I secretly like it.Again in a long list of stupid things I have said in a session I said

‘Just as well you are not using the these between my legs as it is a tiny target to guy’s

As if by magic two perfectly aimed right on target strokes on the tip of my penis Really and I mean really sore

‘Stop talking yourself down Marmy’ MIstress Lillith told me.

Mistress Lilith was kind enough to rub some Savlon on my cuts and bruises which I appreciated.

* I’m on new meds. They are creating havoc. I could not relive myself in front of Mistress Lilith as she ordered. I said that I was sorry and I always feel bad about doing this even though Mistress Lilith wants me to do it.
Mistress Lilith wants me to be attracted to a beautiful woman punishing me and that is why I have to do this at the end of a session I always wanted to know why but was too scared to ask.
I still worry I am objectifying and causing offence to someone I love and respect I usually look at the wall while I am ordered to do this
For the record I told Mistress Lilith this
‘You are the most beautiful woman I have know’
‘And you are the most beautiful woman I have ever saw’
I stand by this.

 

THE EPILOGUE (Warning bum photo)

 

The session was over I got undressed and looked at my bum in the mirror.
Apart from looking at my horrible naked body I loved the state my backside was in
My first and hopefully not last proper punishment session
3 days later I was in work and sat down and jumped up with a yelp thinking I had sat on a tack.
It was not that it was the full force cane stroke wheal that I sat down on it is still raised red and angry.
And I love it and love Mistress Lilith for doing it to me.
The day I plucked up courage to visit for a session with her was the best decision I ever made.
She makes my monochrome world into a technicolor one with surround sound an 4D
I am a better person when I am orbiting her star I have no doubts about this.

So those of a nervous disposition look away now here is a scary picture.
This is my bum 3 days later the smiley face full force cane stroke is bottom left on the left photo most of the bruising was the fault of the horrible trio of paddles.

 

 

 

 

 

Music to session by

Thought I would do a quick blog post about the music that I listen to or are reminded off on the day of a session with Mistress Lilith at Abstraktme 

 

BEFORE THE SESSION

I wake up and check twitter and Mistress Lilith’s twtter page to see if she has mentioned the session and given any instructions for the session to come.

Nervously I sign into twitter.
When I do I see her picture and it reminds me (though I have not forgotten since the last session) how incredibly pretty she is and how much I am looking forward to seeing her.
The butterflies in my tummy have already started by just looking at her photo which brings this song to mind.

DISCLAIMER
Obviously in this song and the lyrics of some of the others  I do not want to associate with the lustful words I do not feel any Romantic feelings towards Mistress Lilith nor sexual ones. I love her to bits but not in a sexual way.Some of these songs have some really apt lyrics though about powerful women and their effect.

 

CLIMBING THE STAIRS TO THE DUNGEON

So the wait is over I text that I am outside the door and I get a text back to press the buzzer.
Now I am a skeptic I believe in the scientific method nothing else. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. I think the following is bunkum UFO’s,Nessie,Ghosts,Gods,Numerology.Astrology,JFK conspiracy theories basically anything that does not have concrete observable verified proof I dismiss.

But I swear something happens when I walk in that door

.
Firstly the roar of traffic from the busy road outside vanishes and I feel some sort of strange force and it gets stronger the more stairs I climb and get closer to the dungeon.
There is something in the air the feeling gets stronger the atmosphere seems to get thicker the higher I climb the stairs.
It crackles and sparks and fizzes there is something magical dangerous yet exciting all around you know something special is going to happen in this place.
I can’t explain it but it feels real even though I know it can’t be

 

 

WAITING OUTSIDE THE DOOR

 

I reach the top of the stairs. The walk from the stairs to the corridor seems longer than the one I have just done to get here. The door looks normal nothing special no idea that behind it a cross between Valhalla and Camelot is waiting. I’m excited but afraid to chap the door I await Mistress Lilith to open the door for me. I feel nervous and worried I am going to go into my shell and not make the session fun for Mistress Lilith.

But then Mistress Lilith slowly opens the door and is standing there smiling at me. So this piece of music (written 30 mins before the premier as Mozart was bevvied the night before and forgot to write it) is perfect the first 2 minutes the fear and neurosis I feel before the door opens then the next 2 minutes the sheer joy that seeing Mistress Lilith again brings

 

 

BEING WITH MISTRESS LILITH BEFORE THE SESSION STARTS

I go in the dungeon for one of the best parts of the session. I get to chat to Mistress Lilith while I get my outfit ready for the session. Every time I mean every time I see her I have a little heart flutter and shock as she is just so pretty. even though I think of her often when I see her again in the flesh it is like seeing her for the first time I am taken aback with how beautiful she looks. Personality wise Mistress Lilit is just as remarkable she is so positive fun and infectious a minute in her company and it rubs off and all my worries and woes are forgotten and vanish.

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You have to see her be in her presence to understand I can’t do the sheer physcal beauty and force of her personality justice it would need an author and a poet both of which I am sure you can tell I am not.It can’t be but it seems almost Supernatural the power she has just sitting there not even started the session ans she radiates and glows with strength and confidence and my legs and head turn to jelly.
This song often goes through my head I also sang a verse to Mistress Lilith last Christmas and of course murdered it as I have the voice of a rusty exhaust pipe

 

 

MISTRESS LILITH ENTERS THE ROOM TO START THE SESSION

Mistress Lilith leaves the room. I nervously dress. Even after all these sessions my hands shake so much I can not put the straps on my high heels on. As for putting the suspenders onto the stockings that is also a shambles but I somehow manage to do it.
I knock on the door to signal I am dressed and ready and nervously wait to hear the sound of Mistress Lilith’s heels in the corridor and her opening the door to start the session.

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Mistress Lilith comes in and the friendly Mistress Lilith pre session has been replaced by the ultra strict no nonsense Mistress Lilith. Still fun still with a glint of humour in her eyes but ready to dish out some severe punishment,
She rarely says a word just looks at me shakes her head then walks to the desk drawer takes out a tawse then takes a paddle from off the wall and the dreaded wooden hairbrush as well and sits down at her desk shaking her head at me in disgust.
She is a Goddess a picture of perfection dominant powerful woman of your dreams.
This is the music I hear in my head as she enters.

 

 

MAKING ME FEEL HAPPY ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE

I am usually scolded about my behaviour but especially about my hair and short skirt, But I feel better dressed up than I do in my ordinary clothes. As Marmy the naughty schoolgirl I know I look ridiculous but most importantly I don’t feel ridiculous and when I see myself in the mirror I for once actually like how I look.

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Normally I feel very unattractive but thanks to Mistress Lilith helping me and dressing me up I don’t feel bad about how I look. I actually feel pretty laugh if you want but I do.
This song is perfect

 

 

THE ACTUAL PUNISHMENT STARTS

Mistress Lilith varies the sessions each follows a rough pattern but I can never predict what is going to happen next. On the last occasion she seemed to be in a particular severe mood and said she was going to blister my bare bottom raw. There was no messing about I was over her knee and panties down straight to punishment on the bare no warm up. After only a few hand spanks the dreaded wooden hairbrush came into play this is really horrible is covers so much flesh and stings from the first blow and I know they are going to get harder and harder and today especially I am in for it.

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Yes I am scared but I am happy all my depressive feelings have gone even though I know serious pain is coming.Just when I think Mistress Lilith is hitting me full force she delivers an even harder blow it is something miraculous.I’m just concentrating on the moment and trying to savour ever second I can.

 

 

PUNISHMENT GETS INTENSE AND I GIVE MYSELF COMPLETELY

After the over the knee punishment is over I am already in considerable discomfort and very red and sore. Mistress Lilith has started during the sessions using a butt plug on me and they are getting bigger each session.

This is something I had never though about or tried till recently. If I am being honest it is not something I would have suggested or asked to try during a session but I am totally open to putting my full trust in Mistress Lilith and I would try out any new experience as I know she will look after me.

Basically I am hers to use and if it makes the sessions more fun for her then I am overjoyed.
Mistress Lilith seems to think I am taking the punishment too easy so a wicked wooden paddle gets taken from the wall and she does not hold back hitting me so hard that I cry out.

Then just when I think I am at my limit the cane makes an appearance.
I’m made to count out six strokes and each is harder than the last but I know this is still not as hard as Mistress Lilith can hit.
But this is exactly what I want I have given myself to be used by Mistress Lilith she has total power over me an the feeling is wonderful.
This song lyrics near the end just use me up is how I feel at this point savour every moment use me up.

 

 

SHEER BLISS AS I’M TAKING TO A NEW EXISTENCE

By the end of the punishment I am in tears I am close to having to say the dreaded safe word phrase which is very funny but uses horrible words I don’t want to say in front of Mistress Lilith. But then the Serotonin and other chemicals kick into my brain and though I can’t say for certain I think I go into sub space.

I seem to absorb the pain and I feel nothing but deep joy and satisfaction almost an out of body experience as if I am flying and looking down from the ceiling at Mistress Lilith and myself. It really is an extraordinary experience and one I have never felt at anytime in the real world.
This is what I hear in my head as I drift into bliss

 

 

JOURNEY HOME STILL ON A HIGH AND ONE PERSON ON MY MIND STILL

The session is over I get dressed back into my civvies and await Mistress Lilith. She again is a delight to talk with outwith the session and this part like the pre session chat is something that I love just as much as the session.
I feel an enormous sense of well being and feel so lucky to have spent time is this wondrous persons company.

I get a hug at the door from Mistress Lilith which is actually if I’m honest the highlight of the day and I leave the dungeon.
I think about Mistress Lilith as I travel home not in a creepy way but in a platonic friendship way.
I wonder what she is doing and imagine her life full of fun light happiness and rainbows.
I hope it is I want her to be happy I’m sure she is.
I think of her in this song

 

 

So anyone who has read this far I hope you like my musical journey through a session and the music was not to horrible to listen to.

Am I a good sub?How can I be better?

So I wrote a quick post last night after a number of Mistresses I know and like on Twitter seemed to have been simultaneously been visited by timewasters or just down right rude potential new clients.

My post was just I thought common sense and a footnote to my lengthier piece about visiting a Mistress for the first time which was help and advice I wish I had before I made my first visit.

I got an email from a dear friend I have made on Twitter through my kinky life and someone who I have actually met in real life a few times.
He told me a few home truths regarding how I was conducting myself as a sub to Mistress Lilith.Some I pretty much knew I was doing but it still shocked me to the core when i saw it in writing so I was going to write yet another boring navel gazing post about where after all these years I am going wrong and how I and others could perhaps others would not make the same mistakes that I keep making

I know I basically crave Mistress Lilith’s attention. She is very busy and even though in semi retirement she still does a power of work for her business and I in emailing or sending tweets should not be so selfish and leave her in peace.
She has a life outside the dungeon which I need to realise that she deserves time and space to enjoy I in my effort to get her to like me and try to be one of her favourite subs am only doing the opposite by being needy and clingy two things I noticed she expressly said she didn’t want in new clients when I first read her website 6 years ago.
The thought that I would be a nuisance or bring annoyance to someone I think the world of fills me with deep sadness and pain so this is something I need to change from this day on and something I need to remember the next time I try and crave her attention.
I don’t think Mistress Lilith has time to read my blog (Does anyone?) but if she does I am deeply sorry and will also say this to her in person next time I am lucky to have a session

As a sub I try to do the things that I think we all know are the basics that anyone with respect and manners would do.

1 Book in advance
2 Never cancel
3 Turn up on time
4 Remain polite at all times
5 Try to make the session fun for Mistress

I also try on twitter to retweet on behalf of the dungeon and help all the Mistresses I know with retweets and do detailed reviews for anyone I have sessioned with basically try and help in any way I can.
Anyway that part of my apology over onto the main blog post.
The plans slightly changed when Mistress Lilith posted a picture entitled ’30 habits for happiness’ and I though it ideal to help expand what I was going to write.

This is the picture

All answers with a disclaimer this is what I think I do it would need someone who knows me to say whether or not I live up to the answers I give but as I have a very ow opinion of myself I would think most of these you can say are true.

1 Be Kind YES

I try to be kind in the real world and in and out of sessions

2 Eat Well  YES

I’m a vegetarian for over 30 years and Vegan for last 3. I eat healthily and well.And no I’m not going to give anyone a lecture about eating meat actually the opposite is true when people find out I’m Vegan I’m the one who gets the lecture about how Vegans give lectures.
For the record I don’t want to eat an animal.
You do what you want I don’t care it is up to you I don’t think any more or less of you no matter what you choose to do.

3 Exercise NO

Up till last year I was playing semi pro football. Didn’t get contact so far for this season so I have did no exercise for the last 6 weeks

4 Meditate SORT OF

Been trying to but keep falling asleep as too tired when home from work at moment

5 BE HONEST DON’T KNOW

This should be a yes. In my real life I am an honest person apart from not telling my partner I go visit a Mistress something that is too long and complicated to go into here and something my guilt and conscious have to live with.
In my fantasy life I have never ever told Mistress Lilith a lie,There was one occasion I withheld the truth about something from her something which lost me the friendship of a fellow sub I really liked and admired on Twitter which to this day causes me sadness but the next day I told Mistress Lilith what I was withholding from her.

6 Dream big NO

My confidence and hope and ambitions long left so I have no dreams big or otherwise

7 Be Patient DON’T KNOW

This depends. Last night I spent nearly an hour trying to catch a moth to let out the window as I was worried it would fry itself on the lamp. I never lost my temper once and go it done.
However with people who willlfully are rude,selfish and ignorant I have zero patience

8 Judge less YES

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I don’t think I judge anyone.
With a disclaimer I have zero tolerance for people who are cruel to animals or the current heartless monsters who run the Government for them and their despicable actions I reserve the right to judge them.
For those in the BDSM community who have different kinks to mine some I would never want to see or do in a million years I have no judgement on them as long as all parties are happy and nobody is forced to so something they don;t want to do I would never judge them

9 Smile often NO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m a miserable looking dour bugger everyone says that about me.It is just my natural expression.

10 Love yourself NO

I try to be a good partner,son and person.I’m kind to my dog and animals.I’m hard working and help those less fortunate than myself. I don;t think I am a bad person.But no I can’t love myself. My twisted brain chemistry won;t let me and in fact sometime I fear I am evil and should be destroyed.

11 Forgive easily YES

Mostly family members have let me down frequently and sometimes even done the dirty on me but I think yes I do forgive easily probably too easily if I’m being honest.

12 Show gratitude YES

I am always making a point of thanking someone who helps or is kind to me.I always thank Mistress Lilith before the session for allowing me to return for the session and afterwards for the session.

13  Think Positively NO

No chance of this I always think the worst,One of my many faults which I can;t change which I guess kinds of backs up my answer.

14 Drink lots of water YES

I drink a lot of water at work as the site I work at is dry dusty and warm even on a colder day plus at night I have a bottle of water at my bed which I drink when I wake up

15 Believe in yourself NO

I have no confidence in myself.With a football at my feet I will take on the world.Off the pitch I am nobody and nothing and have no confidence in anything I do

16  Keep an open mind YES

I have a very open mind
I do not believe in God, JFK assassination theories,Loch Ness Monster,UFO’s or ghosts only things that have creditable evidence.I draw my conclusions from the scientific method and if the evidence changes I will then be happy to believe in any of the above.
When it comes to the BDSM world I am open minded and with MIstress Lilith guiding me am willing to be open minded about trying out new things.

17 Put your needs first NO

Nope.I’m nothing and nobody.Other people are more important than me.

18 Don’t make excuses NO

I’m very guilty of this.Nearly all that happens to me is my fault and I try and make excuses for it happening even though I am the common denominator.opp
This is a huge fault of mine.

19 Speak well of others DON’T KNOW

Hand on heart I don’t think I have ever said anything nasty about anyone I have met in life.But it depends politicians and certain people I see on television I have nothing but contempt for and I have said some pretty harsh things about.
In BDSM I have tried to be polite respectful and helpful to any of the Mistresses I have been lucky enough to session with both in person and online.

20 Listen to understand. YES

I always do this in every walk of life.My education was terrible left school at 15 to get a job to support my family as my dad was ill. I have a thirst for knowledge and always like to speak to intelligent people about subjects I know little about.
I am a good listener and in the BDSM word Mistress Lilith and the other Mistresses I have sessions with have taught me lots as I listen intently to their ever word.

21 Choose faith over fear NO

I don’t have any faith in things working out for the best sorry

22 Make the most of now YES

Being practicing mindfulness for 3 months now. It helps in the real world.
But it really helped in the last 2 sessions with Mistress Lilith I got more out of them and managed to savour every single second I was in her company

23 Exercise self discipline YESish

I’m trying hard to do this. Do without things I don;t need in life
Especially with Mistress Lilith no emailling or texting her unless it is a session I am booking.

24 Look on the bright side NO HAHAHAHHAHA

Light at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train that is me in an nutshell.
Not proud of it hate it about myself one of the many things that I do.

25 Avoid social comparison YES

To be fair I think I do. If my friends are happy I am pleased for them.If a fellow sub has a session or more regular one than I do then I am pleased for them.I don’t think I have ever been jealous of anyone ever in my life.

26 See failure as an opportunity NO

If this is true I must have had more opportunistic than everyone else put together I fail that much.

27 Don’t take opinions to heart YESish

This amongst all others is the one that hurts the most. For people I do not respect I still take criticism or negative comments to heart
For people I care about and love and respect if they have a negative opinion about me then that destroys me. My recent email from Lars made me cry when I realised what my attempts at trying to be a better sub to Mistress Lilith really did which was make me clingy and crave her attention.

28  Select friends that lift you up. YES

I only have 2 real friends. Both I have known since nursery,We would all run into traffic for each other.Both of them are positive and confident people who bring out the best in me.Problem is I never see them anymore due to work and their family commitments

29  Let go of what can’t be changed NO

This should be easy,In my real world I try to make everyone happy but it is an impossible task and I should let it go but I can;t
In the BDSM world I try to be the best sub I can be but I fear I have did too much wrong and can’t change that or accept it.
Not getting back for sessions enough also dismays me.

30  Have a healthy sleeping pattern NO

Despite being exhausted and a 6.30am start every morning I sleep terribly.

 

Sorry this is not really a blog post that has much to do with visiting a Mistress or anything else.

But the answer I think to the blog title is NO and could do better

 

 

 

How to be a good sub/The Golden rules

DISCLAIMER

I in no way claim to be an expert let me say that from the start.

I have been visiting a Mistress for nearly 6 years.

Overall I would say 40 sessions in total.*

In that time I have seen 6 different Mistresses.

So I am not a novice but at the same start I have a lot to learn still and if any very experienced sub or Mistress reads this and swears at it thinking it a lot of ill informed tripe I would have no problem with that.

* Just checked up 43 sessions in total so not really a lot over that period of time.See my other blog posts for the weird and wonderful reasons I can’t get back for a session as much as I would like.

Recently I have been doing even more introspective thinking about my fantasy life and how I think I relate to others during it.
On twitter I now am lucky enough to flow and be followed by a number of fellow subs and Mistresses.
I find it very interesting reading their views.

Nobody I can gather from my fellow subs has a hundredth of the self doubt or neurotic behaviours I show before,during or after a session.
They all seem to be well rounded thoughtful people who know and respects the limits and barriers of a sub/Mistress dynamic and seem to be pretty happy and content.
They know how to behave online and offline when talking to their Mistress.

Reading the tweets of the Mistresses is even more enlightening seeing the hard work and nonsense they have to put into running their profession. What is especially noticeable is the amount of potential clients that seem to have no idea how to send a normal respectful and polite initial enquiry about booking a session.

Now I used to get  number of Dm’s on twitter from people starting out on this new journey into submission. I was more than happy to spend sometime helping out and giving advice where I could to these new potential subs. I had to stop after one too many turned abusive towards me so I now just have a pinned tweet to an earlier blog post I wrote called Everything you want to know about visiting a Mistress and I point all newbies in that direction.

But I think there is more to say than there is in that blog post.

There are some common sense rules you should be doing when trying to contact and book a session. I’m sure there are more someone more intelligent and eloquent could post them I am sure.

1  It is the Mistress who decides if she want to session with you not the other way around. If a Mistress says no to your original email or text then take that for an answer

2 Good manners go a long way. Some of the emails and texts I have seen posted by Mistresses on twitter are astonishing in their lack off self awareness and just sheer unpleasant rudeness. You should not be speaking that way to anyone and to do so to someone you want to become a client of it really is a stupid thing to do.

4 The rules for contacting a Mistress and booking a session have been carefully worked out by Mistress they are professional people and have everything worded out explicitly for a reason they are not flexible or to be throw out the window just because it does not suit you.

5 Withheld phone numbers and deposits are there for a reason to keep everyone especially Mistress safe. These are non negotiable again as above each client abides by them do not think you are entitled to any special treatment.

So as I said this is just a minor blog post after seeing some Mistresses I care about having to deal with rude subs.

Longer post coming soon on why I do not practice what I preach and why I feel I am not the good sub I should be.