Everything you wanted to know about visiting a Mistress/Dominatrix for the first time (but were too afraid to ask)

I do not pretend to be an expert but this is my guide written from the heart using my experience and is something I wish I had known before I started on this journey.

1. Finding a Mistress where to start.

For me it was as easy as searching for anything else on the internet.
I just typed in Glasgow spanking Mistress and very many hits came up.
You will find lots of hits for your area if you do this.
There are also many dedicated search sites that have databases of Mistress’s by region.

http://pandemos.net/directory/4582620813
http://www.ukmistressguide.co.uk/ukmistresses.html

2 What to look for on a Mistress’s site

Any reputable Mistress will have a professional website with all the information you need about the Mistress and what services that she offers.
I have been lucky enough to session with Mistress’s in Glasgow and this is her site.

http://www.mistresslilith.com/

The site has all the information you could wish to make your decision.

There will be a gallery of pictures of the Mistress showing what she looks like and some of the clothing she will wear during the session remember you are not ordering a fashion model to dress up for you but many Mistress are happy to wear a special outfit if this is part of your fetish (school teacher look,leather/rubber fetish,uniform)

There will be a description of the services offered during the session and what fetishes the Mistress will cater for so read this carefully.
If your fetish is not listed you can always ask
Apart from the practices that we all find unacceptable (anything involving children or cruelty to animals for instance) I reckon the Mistress you contact will have heard nearly all the fetishes and fantasies there are before so do not be afraid to ask if yours is not listed.

But if for what ever reason the Mistress cannot help you with your fetish then take no for an answer.
This is not up for negotiation if the Mistress does not cater for your particular fetish do not insult her by trying to persuade her to do so you will get nowhere

And under no circumstance ask for any sexual services no true Mistress would ever perform a sex act on a submissive or have a submissive perform a sex act on them if this is what you are looking for I suggest you are not really wanting a Mistress and instead look up the many prostitute/escort sites on the internet.This is about dominant,humiliation,submission and a hundred other things but it is not about sex.

There will be photos and a description of where the session will take place and what equipment is in the dungeon/studio or domestic setting where it takes place so you will know what to expect when you arrive.

There will be a page with reviews from clients just like yourself where you can read about what happened during their sessions,
There is also this good site where you can also read reviews

http://mistressreview.com/Mistress-Reviews/

There will be a page with the tributes (fees) for the session.
Depending on what type of session you want this tribute will vary in price if the tribute is not listed on the website your Mistress will let you know and agree a price once she knows what amount of time and what type of session you want when you contact her by phone.email.
Do not insult Mistress by asking for a discount these fees are non negotiable and if you are looking for money off I would suggest your heart is not into the world of submission rather you are a cheapskate

3 How to contact the Mistress

On the website there will be clear instructions on how to get in touch to arrange a session.
There will be a couple of ways to do this there may be a contact form where you will fill in your email address and space for you to put down the time you would like to visit and a description of what type of session you would like.
If this is not available there will be a mobile phone number for you to call if using the phone it is very important do not withhold your number or your call will not be answered.
Now this is vital to remember you are dealing with a professional and she should be treated as such.
A pro-domme is like any other professional (doctor lawyer etc) and she will be a very very busy person.
Do not send an email or leave a phone message and then send another if you are not answered within a couple of hours.
Be patient and you will get a reply
Do not be a pain and clog up the inbox or voice mail of Mistress with repeated messages this will also see you not get an answer.
Oh and do not be really stupid and start any correspondence with ‘hey babe’ Hi Love’ or anything similar.
You are dealing with a professional dominant woman so treat her with the utmost courtesy and be polite and respectful at all times.
You may also be asked to make a deposit of part of the tribute this is to deter time wasters and should not be a problem if you are a sincere and serious about the session you have booked.

4 The day of the session

Few things to remember

You know that sign in your Doctors surgery that says 58 patients failed to turn up for appointments this month?
Well it is exactly the same with a Mistress.
If you book a session do not treat it as something you can call off on the same day as you have changed your mind.
Respect your Mistress and respect others like you who may not be able to book a session because you have the only time slot that they could mange only to cancel.
You may be asked to phone up a couple of hours before your session to confirm please do this as it is only right and correct that your Mistress knows you are coming.

You will be given clear and easy to understand instructions on how to get to the place where the session will be taking place please make sure you have plenty of time for your journey and that you arrive for your allotted appointment time.

Make sure you are clean and presentable as your Mistress I can assure you will be immaculate and the least you can do is the same.
Make sure you are fresh and tidy have a shower or bath on the morning of your session.
I find that I am still very nervous before my session and this added to the stairs I have to climb to the studio means I am sweating a lot.
What I also do is have some wet wipes and a small can of deodorant to wipe myself down with just before I go to the door of the studio so I look and feel as good as I can for Mistress.

You may want to check the wishlist on your Mistress site for a gift you can bring Mistress.
Be sensible though if the item on the wishlist you buy is a fetish wear item keep it in the bag and out of site the studio may be in a shared building and marching in with a thigh high pair of boots in full show is not a good idea!

5 Before the session

Your Mistress will have discussed by phone or email what sort of session you will have but when you meet in person she will take the time to have a quick chat with you to go over a few things.
This is not the time to be shy if there is anything you do not understand or are unsure about speak up.
For instance I asked how I should refer to Mistress when addressing her.
Some may wish to be know by their full name others by Goddess or Madam
Use whatever you are told at all times as it shows the proper respect.
Mistress will be friendly at helpful before the session and will put you at ease please try not to be afraid to talk to her it will help both of you get the most out of the session.
Your Mistress will discuss what sort of things you are going to do in the session and will perhaps ask you a few things along the lines of

is it ok to mark you with the punishments,

what kind of role play,

what implement you want to use and don’t want to use,

what sort of limits you have

and if you are looking for a more severe punishment you may be given a safe word which when you say it the punishment will stop.
Mistress will be in control and look after you do not be scared nothing will happen that is not agreed on before
Safe sane and consensual is the order of the day.

There is an elephant in the room and that is the handing over of the tribute.
I used to and still feel a bit awkward about this but it really is nothing to worry about.
This is just you paying the going rate for a first class professional service for an expert in their field.
Mistress will ask you for this fee before the session starts and you just hand it over.
Do not be insulted if Mistress wants to count it out in front of you this is to protect you both and make sure all is in order in fact you may well have counted it out wrong and paid too much so it is best all is straight up and above board for all concerned.

Once this is concluded Mistress may leave the room for a minute.
You may be asked to strip off and kneel in the submissive position or if in my case cross dressing is part of the session this gives you time to dress up,
This is the start of your session and from now on Mistress will be in control so sit back and enjoy the ride 🙂

6 The session

Everyone will have a different session depending on their tastes but a brief rule of thumb for them all I think is as follows.

Mistress is in charge,You may have a detailed roleplay and scenario in your mind that you want to try out but Mistress is an expert at this and will give you very close to what you are looking for but will add a few twists of her own which will make the session much better than you dared dream.
Be careful there is a phrase  ‘Topping from the bottom’

If your session involves corporal punishment do not attempt to call the shots and ask to be punished in a certain order or in a certain way.
This will really cheese off your Mistress if you attempt to do this and rightly so.
You are not in control of the session Mistress is and knows far better than you how to do a fun and enjoyable session.

Don’t be worried if you become sexually aroused.Though the session has nothing to do with sex for me it can be an arousing experience when you are dominated by a powerful and beautiful woman.
I would go further it is impossible for me not to be excited and stimulated during a session no matter how much I try not to.
My Mistress always comments on this with me and this adds to the humiliation when I am told my little sissy clitty stick should not be getting hard and I must be punished more for this.

This is the fantasy you have probably had for years and you are fulfilling it so for your own sake enjoy and make the most of it and I know you will have fun if you relax and let yourself go.

Even better your Mistress will have fun as well it gives me so much pleasure seeing Mistress happy during a session and knowing that I have helped make her happy by being the best submissive I can
Like most things in life the more you put into a session means the more you will get out of it I promise you this is the case.
do not be afraid let your inhibitions go you will not regret it.

Now something happened at the end of my first session and has also happened at the end of all the subsequent other ones that I did not expect and I have to mention it.
At the end of the first session I was ordered by Mistress to relieve myself in front of her.
I was so nervous that I could not do it.
Since then I have managed to do it every time I have been ordered to.

There is absolutely no physical contact between myself and Mistress I am ordered to lie down as she stands across the room from me and gives me a time limit to orgasm if I do not do it in this time I am to be punished more.
I do not know if this is the case with all Mistress’s at the end of a session but though it makes me feel a little bit uneasy doing it as I am scared I am objectifying Mistress the fact that I know that Mistress wants me to do it and she would not order me to do it if it did not make her happy and I so want to make her happy during a session.

7 After the session

Mistress will leave when the session is done and give you time to compose yourself and get dressed.
There maybe shower facilities on offer at the studio.dungeon for you to further freshen up.
(I take my life in my hands and use the showers in the train station next to the studio there are a few horror stories I could tell about that! but I have a long journey home by public transport and I don’t want to stink the place out)
Mistress will return and you should be able to have a quick chat about the session with Mistress and you will find her as fun and friendly outwith the session as you did find strict and severe in it,This is the time to ask anymore questions and discuss what you would like to do on your next visit.
But remember Mistress is very busy and will have another session starting soon so do not over stay your welcome no matter how much you are enjoying chatting (I am still guilty of this I just want to stay and talk all day)
Remember to thank Mistress for her time and the session you had.

Well I hope this is helpful to any new subs out there and gives you an idea of what to expect when you visit a Mistress for the first time.
I am @Sissy_Sakur on twitter please feel free to add me if you want to chat or if there are any other questions you have about this I would love to talk with you and try and help in any way I can.

7. My conclusions (update 19-10-21)

I posted this in 2014 when I had been having sessions for 3 years and still not hit double figures in sessions with Mistress Lilith and was still learning as I still am tosay reaching my 10th anniversary of being in submiaaion with Mistress Lilith.

Looking back I think it is still pretty much relevant and I have not edited anything .

If you happen to stumble across this as a novice and it helps that would be wonderful you have to trust me you can’t be any worse of a nervous wreck than I was when I first booked and attended a session. Honestly I was is such a state but withing 5 minutes I knew I had made the right choice and I can say hand on hard ten years later and dozens of sessions in I still fee lthe same sense of excitment and endless wonder every single time I walk into that studio and see and hear Mistress Lilith.
I thought about going for a session literally for about 20+ years before I actually managed to do it and I have only one regret that I ddn’t do it way sooner.

Life for me is fleeting there is nothing that has convinced me on my time of Earth that there is anything after our natural lifespan and that our conciousness dies when we do, Faith is not evidence so I feel you must act on your deepest fantasies now and do not waste a precious moment because it could all end in an instance.

My life in general is not a happy one but the hours spent in a session with Mistress Lilith are as happy a time as I have ever spent in my life. Please do not be scared the reality is much better than the fantasy. Take the plunge don’t have regrets years later you will find a whole new undiscovered country awaits you and will meet some of the very most remarkable people you will ever know in your entre life.

Why I am a sissy

The answer is I do not know for sure.

Recently on twitter I tried to help someone who was wanting a recommendation of a Mistress in my area who would look after a novice to the scene.

I like to think I am a helpful person so I tried to make friends with them on twitter and give them some of the experience I had in my dealings going so far as to give my email address to them as the 140 character twitter limit made it difficult to say all I wanted to say.

I took a lot of time and effort and went into detail and answered many emails giving long detailed replies trying to help as much as I could .
This is for a couple of reasons not to try and prove I am some sort of great guy and big myself up because the opposite is true I really don’t like myself.
It was more that I would have loved some advice before I started my journey into submission if you read this blog I wasted so many years being scared and with nobody to talk to and I promised I would do everything I could if someone needed my help in a similar situation.

Also I thought it could help the three amazing Mistresses in my life and put another potential long term sub their way I try to help them as much as possible by re tweeting and mentioning them on this blog and posting links.

I now deeply regret doing this as this person has now posted tweets to me asking if I am gay and bi as no normal straight person would allow anal and oral training.
Also he says the fact I dress in girls clothes for my spankings would add to the evidence.
Also he sent me a nasty Direct message saying some hurtful things.

Now a few things before I get to the title of this blog post.

I am not homophobic.

Despite a life in a tough working class housing scheme in Glasgow and years in the macho competitive world of football I have never ever used any homophobic insults I would never accuse anyone of acting poofy or call them a bender or such like it is just not the sort of person I am.
To be honest I don’t actually think I have met a gay person not because I have avoided them just my background and social life I guess I must have met some that were not openly gay but I can not say for certain.

I actually wrote a scientific blog piece of evolutionary reasons for homosexuality on my other blog which I posted on a football site whilst arguing with a bigot.

I do not care about anyones sexuality,race.religion or anything else the only thing I care about is if they are a nice person I will be friends with anyone from any background as long as they are kind.

But anyway here are some things about me dressing up.

I have only cross dressed while in a session I have no compunction or desire to cross dress outwith a session.
In fact Mistress Lilith ordered me to buy and wear stockings and panties underneath my trousers on the morning and afternoon before my last session and I was horrified and really humiliated.
To be honest I hope she does it again as it added to the session and had me a wreck for hours before I was over her knee.
This is the only occasion in my life I have done this outwith a session.

I have thought it over in my mind why it is so important during a session to be dressed up and I have a few conclusions.

All the spanking videos and therefore all my spanking fantasies have all been female female over the knee scenes.

It really adds to the humiliation the tottering about on high heels makes me feel so very vulnerable and adds to my submissive feelings.
I like the tight constricted feeling of the clothing the way the stockings and suspenders cling to my legs.
The tightness of my skirt which rubs against me as I walk.
The straps of the bra on my shoulders.
I must always wear a very wide belt tightened as much as possible as I love the feeling of it and the way it pulls in my waist and gives me a better figure.
With all this and the wig I am given I genuinely feel like the naughty girl of my fantasies which makes the spanking so much better.

I know I am not convincing but that is not the point.
I know for a fact that I am a very unattractive and really ugly man in the real world.
I am the same dressed as a sissy but in my mind I feel like a pretty and sexy girl and this makes me happy.

The three amazing Mistresses that punish me also add to the excitment.
Mistress Lilith takes great delight in making me describe my tarty outfit.
Mistress Argenta and Mistress Ana made me look at myself in the mirror during the last session and I really was surprised how I looked and I liked looking at myself.
They make me feel good about myself and how I look even though it is being dressed as a girl.
I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror when dressed normally in the real world.

So I guess anyone who has made it to the end of this will be none the wiser as to why I dress up for a session.

I just like it.

‘The unexamined life is not worth living’      Socrates

‘Who cares why I do it I am happy’         Marmalade Johnstone

2014 what I learned/experienced

2014 I managed back for a total of 8 sessions

5 solo sessions with Mistress Lilith
1 double session with Mistress Lilith and Mistress Argenta
2 Triple sessions with Mistress Lilith Mistress Argenta and Mistress Ana.

Every session has been more wonderful than the last and every session I hope I am learning more and more about this wonderful new world I have been introduced to thanks to the patience and formidable expertise of these very special ladies.

All sessions have taken place at the amazing www.abstraktme.co.uk/ which is a wonderful place where dreams come true.

All have been with one or more of these true artists in domination and punishment and no words can convey my thanks for the fun and joy they have brought me.

Mistress Lilith                http://www.mistresslilith.com/
Mistress Argenta           http://www.mistress-argenta.com/
Rubber Mistress Ana    http://www.rubbermistressana.com/

New experiences and things I had never done before in 2014

Forced to wear stockings/panties on way to session

The only time I cross dress is in a session.
Cant explain it and dont really care why either but I do not do it in the real world but it is vitally important to do it in session
Mistress Lilith made me buy in a shop then wear panties and stockings underneath my trousers all day before the late afternoon session
This terrified me as I was worried someone would notice,
Even worse when the so called hold up stockings fell down and could be seen at the top of my shoes!
Need to get suspenders next time (Mistress if you are reading only kidding seriously please don’t make me do this again)

Double and triple domination.

I discovered the sheer humiliation but sheer thrill of a spanking being witnessed.
It is bad enough dressed as a sissy and having my bottom bared for an over the knee spanking but to have one or two other Mistresses in the room while it happens it almost like a sensory overload and for reasons that have no basis in science the spanking seems to hurt more.

Anal Virginity taken

Was threatened by Mistress Lilith and Mistress Argenta that this would happen but it never did.
Until one session without warning Mistress Lilith decided my slutty dress sense has to be punished and while I was hoisted up and helpless she without any fuss used a butt plug on me and took my virginity.
I don’t think was prepared for it and was in shock as it was only till I was tied to the spanking bench and being paddled did I realise it was still fully inside me and then the humiliation and shame was overpowering.

Strap on 

Mistress Argenta had told me that Mistress Lilith had a huge black strap on and she was going to tell her to use it on me for wearing a leather mini skirt to school.
Of course I thought this was just a threat and it would not happen.
Well it did happen but not the way I expected.
During a triple Mistress session while being told to stand in the center of the class with my head down Mistress Argenta was laughing and making all sorts of worrying threats about what was going to happen to me.
I was told to go down on my knees then look up.
Right into the sight of the gorgeous and dominant Mistress Argenta wearing a huge black strap on.
Mistress then slapped me in the face with it and forced me to take it in my mouth I could hardly fit it in it was so huge.
No of my protests worked and I was forced to deep throat it and even when I was gagging my head was pushed further down the length of this huge thing.
Probably the most humiliating thing that has happened in a session and it got worse as Mistress Lilith walked in to witness it and said ‘Little slutty cocksucker doing what she does best as she has plenty practice’
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me (no pun intended)
Only consolation is that strap on is so big and wide it will never fit up my backside.

Forced to describe my outfit

Mistress Argenta seems to have found out this weak spot and knows it makes me embarrassed
She makes me tell her aloud exactly what I am wearing.
I dont know why but this really humiliates me and especially when I am punished if I miss an item of clothing out
Faceslapping

From full force blow slap across the cheek while standing up (Mistress Lilith nearly knocked me out of my high heels when she did this when I was not expecting it)
To being slapped by Mistress Argenta and Mistress Ana while Mistress Lilith was spanking me.
I never thought I would like this but while it hurts and humiliates at the time looking back on it fills me with excitement and joy.

Severe over the knee spanking

I had already had lengthy spankings from Mistress Lilith and Mistress Argenta.
My bottom was burning and then Mistress Ana came into the picture.
The spanking she gave me was unlike any other I have had before and I doubt I will ever get another like it.
It hurt that much I was convinced she was using a paddle of some sort but no it was just her hand which she ended up bruising as well as her fingers she hit me that hard with it!!!!!
7 days later I still was bruised this from a hand spanking I find remarkable.
The only thing is it proves my point that one of my fantasies is to be made to cry from a punishment spanking given over the knee just by hand will not happen.
This I now know is not possible as I had tears in my eyes from the pain and the spanking Mistress Ana gave was ferocious and easily the sorest I have had in all the sessions but I did not cry I feel to be properly bawling my eyes out a hairbrush or paddle would need to be used while I am over the knee.

Leg worship

Mistress Lilith had a heavy workout at the gym and had a little cramp in her legs
I first had to clean her high heels then give her a legs a rub down and ease the tightness in her legs and get rid of a small muscle knot.
I was so honoured to do this but so scared at the same time
Mistress Lilith has the finest toned and most amazing long legs I have ever seen in my life.
I was in awe and yet felt very submissive on my hands and knees looking up at her as I helped get rid of the cramp she had.

What have I learned over the course of the last year?

3 laws of Mistress.

Law 1   No matter what is being discussed Mistress is always right
Law 2   Even when Mistress is clearly and obviously wrong Mistress is still right (see Law 1)
Law 3   If Mistress admits to being wrong still don’t argue the point as it makes the punishment worse as once again Law 1 comes into play

Dont try to talk your way out of it

All Mistresses have either extensive legal training or where champion school debaters.
There is no winning any discussion trying to makes things worse in the long run.
Your words will be twisted and it will end with you saying something you should not.
In other words the only words you should use to any question you are asked is ‘Yes Mistress’
It is safer in the long run trust me

Never and I mean NEVER use the word no

All the three Mistresses I know take great exception to me answering any question with the word no.
‘Did you say no to me?’ is a phrase that honestly strikes terror into my heart.
The consequences are dire but again in the long run even if the question is ‘Do you want an extra 12 of the cane?’ for your own sake answer yes.

When in doubt keep you mouth shut

As I experience more session I find myself more confident to come out of my shell especially when we are doing roleplay.
But much as the above rule about saying no I also have learned to not push it too far and when in doubt say nothing.
It is so easy with Mistress to talk your way into trouble without thinking about it.
They all have a way of lulling you into a false sense of security then pounce on your mistake and punish you severely.
I call this ‘ a wolf in wolfs clothing’

A Mistress never forgets

During the session or a text/email that throw away line you said/wrote.
It will come back to haunt you.
Be very careful
Mistress will remember and use it against you.

Session was over yet still punished.

I have had punishment lines given to me to be done on the journey home and during the week before
But one session I foolishly said my bottom did not hurt as much as I thought it would.
Mistress Lilith made me bend over in my normal clothes and caned me.
A new experience for me and a lesson learned.

Hopes for 2015

To have as many sessions as possible
Make my outfit more authentic by wearing bra,fake boobs,hairband or ribbons in my wig,girls watch as real looking as possible to get into the mindset better.
To be a better sub and make the sessions as much fun for Mistress Lilith Mistress Argenta and Mistress Ana as they are for me.
To have a leather belt used on me
To be birched.
Try out the horrible studded paddle
Tawse used on my bare backside only had this once and one stroke was terrible.
Spanked over the knee with a hairbrush till I am crying then spanked harder.