Everything you wanted to know about visiting a Mistress/Dominatrix for the first time (but were too afraid to ask)

I do not pretend to be an expert but this is my guide written from the heart using my experience and is something I wish I had known before I started on this journey.

1. Finding a Mistress where to start.

For me it was as easy as searching for anything else on the internet.
I just typed in Glasgow spanking Mistress and very many hits came up.
You will find lots of hits for your area if you do this.
There are also many dedicated search sites that have databases of Mistress’s by region.

http://pandemos.net/directory/4582620813
http://www.ukmistressguide.co.uk/ukmistresses.html

2 What to look for on a Mistress’s site

Any reputable Mistress will have a professional website with all the information you need about the Mistress and what services that she offers.
I have been lucky enough to session with Mistress’s in Glasgow and this is her site.

http://www.mistresslilith.com/

The site has all the information you could wish to make your decision.

There will be a gallery of pictures of the Mistress showing what she looks like and some of the clothing she will wear during the session remember you are not ordering a fashion model to dress up for you but many Mistress are happy to wear a special outfit if this is part of your fetish (school teacher look,leather/rubber fetish,uniform)

There will be a description of the services offered during the session and what fetishes the Mistress will cater for so read this carefully.
If your fetish is not listed you can always ask
Apart from the practices that we all find unacceptable (anything involving children or cruelty to animals for instance) I reckon the Mistress you contact will have heard nearly all the fetishes and fantasies there are before so do not be afraid to ask if yours is not listed.

But if for what ever reason the Mistress cannot help you with your fetish then take no for an answer.
This is not up for negotiation if the Mistress does not cater for your particular fetish do not insult her by trying to persuade her to do so you will get nowhere

And under no circumstance ask for any sexual services no true Mistress would ever perform a sex act on a submissive or have a submissive perform a sex act on them if this is what you are looking for I suggest you are not really wanting a Mistress and instead look up the many prostitute/escort sites on the internet.This is about dominant,humiliation,submission and a hundred other things but it is not about sex.

There will be photos and a description of where the session will take place and what equipment is in the dungeon/studio or domestic setting where it takes place so you will know what to expect when you arrive.

There will be a page with reviews from clients just like yourself where you can read about what happened during their sessions,
There is also this good site where you can also read reviews

http://mistressreview.com/Mistress-Reviews/

There will be a page with the tributes (fees) for the session.
Depending on what type of session you want this tribute will vary in price if the tribute is not listed on the website your Mistress will let you know and agree a price once she knows what amount of time and what type of session you want when you contact her by phone.email.
Do not insult Mistress by asking for a discount these fees are non negotiable and if you are looking for money off I would suggest your heart is not into the world of submission rather you are a cheapskate

3 How to contact the Mistress

On the website there will be clear instructions on how to get in touch to arrange a session.
There will be a couple of ways to do this there may be a contact form where you will fill in your email address and space for you to put down the time you would like to visit and a description of what type of session you would like.
If this is not available there will be a mobile phone number for you to call if using the phone it is very important do not withhold your number or your call will not be answered.
Now this is vital to remember you are dealing with a professional and she should be treated as such.
A pro-domme is like any other professional (doctor lawyer etc) and she will be a very very busy person.
Do not send an email or leave a phone message and then send another if you are not answered within a couple of hours.
Be patient and you will get a reply
Do not be a pain and clog up the inbox or voice mail of Mistress with repeated messages this will also see you not get an answer.
Oh and do not be really stupid and start any correspondence with ‘hey babe’ Hi Love’ or anything similar.
You are dealing with a professional dominant woman so treat her with the utmost courtesy and be polite and respectful at all times.
You may also be asked to make a deposit of part of the tribute this is to deter time wasters and should not be a problem if you are a sincere and serious about the session you have booked.

4 The day of the session

Few things to remember

You know that sign in your Doctors surgery that says 58 patients failed to turn up for appointments this month?
Well it is exactly the same with a Mistress.
If you book a session do not treat it as something you can call off on the same day as you have changed your mind.
Respect your Mistress and respect others like you who may not be able to book a session because you have the only time slot that they could mange only to cancel.
You may be asked to phone up a couple of hours before your session to confirm please do this as it is only right and correct that your Mistress knows you are coming.

You will be given clear and easy to understand instructions on how to get to the place where the session will be taking place please make sure you have plenty of time for your journey and that you arrive for your allotted appointment time.

Make sure you are clean and presentable as your Mistress I can assure you will be immaculate and the least you can do is the same.
Make sure you are fresh and tidy have a shower or bath on the morning of your session.
I find that I am still very nervous before my session and this added to the stairs I have to climb to the studio means I am sweating a lot.
What I also do is have some wet wipes and a small can of deodorant to wipe myself down with just before I go to the door of the studio so I look and feel as good as I can for Mistress.

You may want to check the wishlist on your Mistress site for a gift you can bring Mistress.
Be sensible though if the item on the wishlist you buy is a fetish wear item keep it in the bag and out of site the studio may be in a shared building and marching in with a thigh high pair of boots in full show is not a good idea!

5 Before the session

Your Mistress will have discussed by phone or email what sort of session you will have but when you meet in person she will take the time to have a quick chat with you to go over a few things.
This is not the time to be shy if there is anything you do not understand or are unsure about speak up.
For instance I asked how I should refer to Mistress when addressing her.
Some may wish to be know by their full name others by Goddess or Madam
Use whatever you are told at all times as it shows the proper respect.
Mistress will be friendly at helpful before the session and will put you at ease please try not to be afraid to talk to her it will help both of you get the most out of the session.
Your Mistress will discuss what sort of things you are going to do in the session and will perhaps ask you a few things along the lines of

is it ok to mark you with the punishments,

what kind of role play,

what implement you want to use and don’t want to use,

what sort of limits you have

and if you are looking for a more severe punishment you may be given a safe word which when you say it the punishment will stop.
Mistress will be in control and look after you do not be scared nothing will happen that is not agreed on before
Safe sane and consensual is the order of the day.

There is an elephant in the room and that is the handing over of the tribute.
I used to and still feel a bit awkward about this but it really is nothing to worry about.
This is just you paying the going rate for a first class professional service for an expert in their field.
Mistress will ask you for this fee before the session starts and you just hand it over.
Do not be insulted if Mistress wants to count it out in front of you this is to protect you both and make sure all is in order in fact you may well have counted it out wrong and paid too much so it is best all is straight up and above board for all concerned.

Once this is concluded Mistress may leave the room for a minute.
You may be asked to strip off and kneel in the submissive position or if in my case cross dressing is part of the session this gives you time to dress up,
This is the start of your session and from now on Mistress will be in control so sit back and enjoy the ride 🙂

6 The session

Everyone will have a different session depending on their tastes but a brief rule of thumb for them all I think is as follows.

Mistress is in charge,You may have a detailed roleplay and scenario in your mind that you want to try out but Mistress is an expert at this and will give you very close to what you are looking for but will add a few twists of her own which will make the session much better than you dared dream.
Be careful there is a phrase  ‘Topping from the bottom’

If your session involves corporal punishment do not attempt to call the shots and ask to be punished in a certain order or in a certain way.
This will really cheese off your Mistress if you attempt to do this and rightly so.
You are not in control of the session Mistress is and knows far better than you how to do a fun and enjoyable session.

Don’t be worried if you become sexually aroused.Though the session has nothing to do with sex for me it can be an arousing experience when you are dominated by a powerful and beautiful woman.
I would go further it is impossible for me not to be excited and stimulated during a session no matter how much I try not to.
My Mistress always comments on this with me and this adds to the humiliation when I am told my little sissy clitty stick should not be getting hard and I must be punished more for this.

This is the fantasy you have probably had for years and you are fulfilling it so for your own sake enjoy and make the most of it and I know you will have fun if you relax and let yourself go.

Even better your Mistress will have fun as well it gives me so much pleasure seeing Mistress happy during a session and knowing that I have helped make her happy by being the best submissive I can
Like most things in life the more you put into a session means the more you will get out of it I promise you this is the case.
do not be afraid let your inhibitions go you will not regret it.

Now something happened at the end of my first session and has also happened at the end of all the subsequent other ones that I did not expect and I have to mention it.
At the end of the first session I was ordered by Mistress to relieve myself in front of her.
I was so nervous that I could not do it.
Since then I have managed to do it every time I have been ordered to.

There is absolutely no physical contact between myself and Mistress I am ordered to lie down as she stands across the room from me and gives me a time limit to orgasm if I do not do it in this time I am to be punished more.
I do not know if this is the case with all Mistress’s at the end of a session but though it makes me feel a little bit uneasy doing it as I am scared I am objectifying Mistress the fact that I know that Mistress wants me to do it and she would not order me to do it if it did not make her happy and I so want to make her happy during a session.

7 After the session

Mistress will leave when the session is done and give you time to compose yourself and get dressed.
There maybe shower facilities on offer at the studio.dungeon for you to further freshen up.
(I take my life in my hands and use the showers in the train station next to the studio there are a few horror stories I could tell about that! but I have a long journey home by public transport and I don’t want to stink the place out)
Mistress will return and you should be able to have a quick chat about the session with Mistress and you will find her as fun and friendly outwith the session as you did find strict and severe in it,This is the time to ask anymore questions and discuss what you would like to do on your next visit.
But remember Mistress is very busy and will have another session starting soon so do not over stay your welcome no matter how much you are enjoying chatting (I am still guilty of this I just want to stay and talk all day)
Remember to thank Mistress for her time and the session you had.

Well I hope this is helpful to any new subs out there and gives you an idea of what to expect when you visit a Mistress for the first time.
I am @Sissy_Sakur on twitter please feel free to add me if you want to chat or if there are any other questions you have about this I would love to talk with you and try and help in any way I can.

7. My conclusions (update 19-10-21)

I posted this in 2014 when I had been having sessions for 3 years and still not hit double figures in sessions with Mistress Lilith and was still learning as I still am tosay reaching my 10th anniversary of being in submiaaion with Mistress Lilith.

Looking back I think it is still pretty much relevant and I have not edited anything .

If you happen to stumble across this as a novice and it helps that would be wonderful you have to trust me you can’t be any worse of a nervous wreck than I was when I first booked and attended a session. Honestly I was is such a state but withing 5 minutes I knew I had made the right choice and I can say hand on hard ten years later and dozens of sessions in I still fee lthe same sense of excitment and endless wonder every single time I walk into that studio and see and hear Mistress Lilith.
I thought about going for a session literally for about 20+ years before I actually managed to do it and I have only one regret that I ddn’t do it way sooner.

Life for me is fleeting there is nothing that has convinced me on my time of Earth that there is anything after our natural lifespan and that our conciousness dies when we do, Faith is not evidence so I feel you must act on your deepest fantasies now and do not waste a precious moment because it could all end in an instance.

My life in general is not a happy one but the hours spent in a session with Mistress Lilith are as happy a time as I have ever spent in my life. Please do not be scared the reality is much better than the fantasy. Take the plunge don’t have regrets years later you will find a whole new undiscovered country awaits you and will meet some of the very most remarkable people you will ever know in your entre life.

Music to session by

Thought I would do a quick blog post about the music that I listen to or are reminded off on the day of a session with Mistress Lilith at Abstraktme 

 

BEFORE THE SESSION

I wake up and check twitter and Mistress Lilith’s twtter page to see if she has mentioned the session and given any instructions for the session to come.

Nervously I sign into twitter.
When I do I see her picture and it reminds me (though I have not forgotten since the last session) how incredibly pretty she is and how much I am looking forward to seeing her.
The butterflies in my tummy have already started by just looking at her photo which brings this song to mind.

DISCLAIMER
Obviously in this song and the lyrics of some of the others  I do not want to associate with the lustful words I do not feel any Romantic feelings towards Mistress Lilith nor sexual ones. I love her to bits but not in a sexual way.Some of these songs have some really apt lyrics though about powerful women and their effect.

 

CLIMBING THE STAIRS TO THE DUNGEON

So the wait is over I text that I am outside the door and I get a text back to press the buzzer.
Now I am a skeptic I believe in the scientific method nothing else. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. I think the following is bunkum UFO’s,Nessie,Ghosts,Gods,Numerology.Astrology,JFK conspiracy theories basically anything that does not have concrete observable verified proof I dismiss.

But I swear something happens when I walk in that door

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Firstly the roar of traffic from the busy road outside vanishes and I feel some sort of strange force and it gets stronger the more stairs I climb and get closer to the dungeon.
There is something in the air the feeling gets stronger the atmosphere seems to get thicker the higher I climb the stairs.
It crackles and sparks and fizzes there is something magical dangerous yet exciting all around you know something special is going to happen in this place.
I can’t explain it but it feels real even though I know it can’t be

 

 

WAITING OUTSIDE THE DOOR

 

I reach the top of the stairs. The walk from the stairs to the corridor seems longer than the one I have just done to get here. The door looks normal nothing special no idea that behind it a cross between Valhalla and Camelot is waiting. I’m excited but afraid to chap the door I await Mistress Lilith to open the door for me. I feel nervous and worried I am going to go into my shell and not make the session fun for Mistress Lilith.

But then Mistress Lilith slowly opens the door and is standing there smiling at me. So this piece of music (written 30 mins before the premier as Mozart was bevvied the night before and forgot to write it) is perfect the first 2 minutes the fear and neurosis I feel before the door opens then the next 2 minutes the sheer joy that seeing Mistress Lilith again brings

 

 

BEING WITH MISTRESS LILITH BEFORE THE SESSION STARTS

I go in the dungeon for one of the best parts of the session. I get to chat to Mistress Lilith while I get my outfit ready for the session. Every time I mean every time I see her I have a little heart flutter and shock as she is just so pretty. even though I think of her often when I see her again in the flesh it is like seeing her for the first time I am taken aback with how beautiful she looks. Personality wise Mistress Lilit is just as remarkable she is so positive fun and infectious a minute in her company and it rubs off and all my worries and woes are forgotten and vanish.

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You have to see her be in her presence to understand I can’t do the sheer physcal beauty and force of her personality justice it would need an author and a poet both of which I am sure you can tell I am not.It can’t be but it seems almost Supernatural the power she has just sitting there not even started the session ans she radiates and glows with strength and confidence and my legs and head turn to jelly.
This song often goes through my head I also sang a verse to Mistress Lilith last Christmas and of course murdered it as I have the voice of a rusty exhaust pipe

 

 

MISTRESS LILITH ENTERS THE ROOM TO START THE SESSION

Mistress Lilith leaves the room. I nervously dress. Even after all these sessions my hands shake so much I can not put the straps on my high heels on. As for putting the suspenders onto the stockings that is also a shambles but I somehow manage to do it.
I knock on the door to signal I am dressed and ready and nervously wait to hear the sound of Mistress Lilith’s heels in the corridor and her opening the door to start the session.

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Mistress Lilith comes in and the friendly Mistress Lilith pre session has been replaced by the ultra strict no nonsense Mistress Lilith. Still fun still with a glint of humour in her eyes but ready to dish out some severe punishment,
She rarely says a word just looks at me shakes her head then walks to the desk drawer takes out a tawse then takes a paddle from off the wall and the dreaded wooden hairbrush as well and sits down at her desk shaking her head at me in disgust.
She is a Goddess a picture of perfection dominant powerful woman of your dreams.
This is the music I hear in my head as she enters.

 

 

MAKING ME FEEL HAPPY ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE

I am usually scolded about my behaviour but especially about my hair and short skirt, But I feel better dressed up than I do in my ordinary clothes. As Marmy the naughty schoolgirl I know I look ridiculous but most importantly I don’t feel ridiculous and when I see myself in the mirror I for once actually like how I look.

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Normally I feel very unattractive but thanks to Mistress Lilith helping me and dressing me up I don’t feel bad about how I look. I actually feel pretty laugh if you want but I do.
This song is perfect

 

 

THE ACTUAL PUNISHMENT STARTS

Mistress Lilith varies the sessions each follows a rough pattern but I can never predict what is going to happen next. On the last occasion she seemed to be in a particular severe mood and said she was going to blister my bare bottom raw. There was no messing about I was over her knee and panties down straight to punishment on the bare no warm up. After only a few hand spanks the dreaded wooden hairbrush came into play this is really horrible is covers so much flesh and stings from the first blow and I know they are going to get harder and harder and today especially I am in for it.

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Yes I am scared but I am happy all my depressive feelings have gone even though I know serious pain is coming.Just when I think Mistress Lilith is hitting me full force she delivers an even harder blow it is something miraculous.I’m just concentrating on the moment and trying to savour ever second I can.

 

 

PUNISHMENT GETS INTENSE AND I GIVE MYSELF COMPLETELY

After the over the knee punishment is over I am already in considerable discomfort and very red and sore. Mistress Lilith has started during the sessions using a butt plug on me and they are getting bigger each session.

This is something I had never though about or tried till recently. If I am being honest it is not something I would have suggested or asked to try during a session but I am totally open to putting my full trust in Mistress Lilith and I would try out any new experience as I know she will look after me.

Basically I am hers to use and if it makes the sessions more fun for her then I am overjoyed.
Mistress Lilith seems to think I am taking the punishment too easy so a wicked wooden paddle gets taken from the wall and she does not hold back hitting me so hard that I cry out.

Then just when I think I am at my limit the cane makes an appearance.
I’m made to count out six strokes and each is harder than the last but I know this is still not as hard as Mistress Lilith can hit.
But this is exactly what I want I have given myself to be used by Mistress Lilith she has total power over me an the feeling is wonderful.
This song lyrics near the end just use me up is how I feel at this point savour every moment use me up.

 

 

SHEER BLISS AS I’M TAKING TO A NEW EXISTENCE

By the end of the punishment I am in tears I am close to having to say the dreaded safe word phrase which is very funny but uses horrible words I don’t want to say in front of Mistress Lilith. But then the Serotonin and other chemicals kick into my brain and though I can’t say for certain I think I go into sub space.

I seem to absorb the pain and I feel nothing but deep joy and satisfaction almost an out of body experience as if I am flying and looking down from the ceiling at Mistress Lilith and myself. It really is an extraordinary experience and one I have never felt at anytime in the real world.
This is what I hear in my head as I drift into bliss

 

 

JOURNEY HOME STILL ON A HIGH AND ONE PERSON ON MY MIND STILL

The session is over I get dressed back into my civvies and await Mistress Lilith. She again is a delight to talk with outwith the session and this part like the pre session chat is something that I love just as much as the session.
I feel an enormous sense of well being and feel so lucky to have spent time is this wondrous persons company.

I get a hug at the door from Mistress Lilith which is actually if I’m honest the highlight of the day and I leave the dungeon.
I think about Mistress Lilith as I travel home not in a creepy way but in a platonic friendship way.
I wonder what she is doing and imagine her life full of fun light happiness and rainbows.
I hope it is I want her to be happy I’m sure she is.
I think of her in this song

 

 

So anyone who has read this far I hope you like my musical journey through a session and the music was not to horrible to listen to.