How to be a better sub

To be honest I don’t really know the answer but will write down what I think I have learned in 11 years of visiting a Mistress

This is really for those of us who have been seeing a Mistress for some time I’ve wrote in length about how to see a Mistress for the first time if you look back in my archive.

There are somethings that are obvious but I will just repeat them. Book as many sessions as you can especially in this cost of living crisis I feel you have to be as regular a client as possible.

Turn up on time and unless it is a emergency try not to cancel a session.

Now I was a complete novice when I started 11 years ago, I knew literally nothing and was very nervous and unsure. As the years have gone by I still am a little nervous but much more aware of my actions before durning and after a session.

What really helped me was the much criticised Twitter. I opened an account in my kink persona and very quickly found fellow subs and sissies who were ultra friendly and very helpful.

I was helped very much by a submissive from Merseyside who I frequently sent private messages to with my concerns and worries and he was kind enough to take the time to answer all my questions and give me pratical good advice.

I would say that like most things in life the harder you try and work the better things get. If you want your Mistress to be happy then you have to work at it.

I find the sessions are much more enjoyable if you fully commit to them and you let all inibitions go. I am lucky that Mistress Lilith is an expert at role plat and reading body language. Without me telling her much she knows just the right words and when to use them and knows exactly how to punish me for the maximum effect.

I find that the happier I can make Mistress in the session the more fun it is for me. Communication is the key and making sure you know what you are doing.

I find when the spanking starts to hurt if I kick my legs it makes Mistress genuinely laugh and she then spanks me harder and it is win win I feel great getting a more serious punishment and I know Mistress is really enjoying it.

I try to remmeber all through the session what I was doing or saying to make Mistress laugh and try to repeat that behaviour.

In life making people happy is one of the things I love the most and durning a session is not different,

Outwith the session if there is an onlyfans or tasks you can purchase that is also a good way of making your Mistress happy.

Be supportive of any tweets or instagram post that your Mistress has.Write a review for any of the review sites. If you are on Twitter let everyone know how much you enjoy the sessions and how much they will as well. You are basically trying to do a PR job and it really is not difficult just be enthusiastic and honest and you will be fine.

Without obviously invading your Mistresses private life find out as much as you can about her via her Twitter and Instagram posts she what she likes and favourites as I find this is an excellent way of getting gifts for her that you know she will like. Remember to ask permission first I had a fall out with a fellow sub who said I should not do this but when I asked Mistress Lilith she said it was fine.

Your Mistress will have an Amazon or a wishme list with items you can gife at all prices and this is also an excellent way of being a better sub showing you are thinking of her between the sessions.

I would say the happier I make Mistress Lilith the happier I am it makes me feel so good and I think especially in the sessions if Mistress is laughing and joking it makes the sessions so much more fun for both of us.
Quick example I am hopeless at roleplay but as sissy Marmy I find that the more I try to act like she would the better the session is. During the session when I was told I was getting extra strokes of the wooden paddle I quickly went into character and stamped my heels down and complained in a very bratty manner and Mistress Lilith started to laugh not at me but at my actions and called me a spoiled little brat and doubled the 12 strokes of the paddle to 24. Now I don’t think this would have happened if I had just stayed quiet and I know it made Mistress Lilith happy to see me playing along.

I guess I will never be sure exactly how happy I make Mistress in the sessions but I hope that I do and I hope this little piece gives you some help and ideas if you are having similar thoughts as mine.

Con te partiro? Perhaps

Though nobody reads this blog it sometimes helps me just a little to write down my thoughts. I don’t have anyone in my vanilla life apart from my father to talk to about my troubles and worries and in my kink life it is basically the same.

It is no big secret anymore that I have suffered badly from depression since my late teens and up to the present day. Been on Lithium and every other anti dperession/anxiey meds you can think of. Been hospitalised on three occasions and in the early days had the delight of ECT therapy.

I only told Mistress Lilith about this nobody else till I stupidly confided in a fellow sub who I considered a friend indeed in the near 11 years of sessioning he is the only person I have met in real life in my kink world. He most unhelpfully outed me and this caused no end of bother and trouble which I think still lasts to this day.

But what I am going to write today I promise you is not my depression talking it is not a post Xmas downer or the fact that I am back at work and I stay in a warzone or any other factors.

I just don’t kow if the kink world is for me anymore. This is all on me. Mistress Lilith still makes the sessions as fun and exciting and full of surprises as the first time I walked through the door.
I’ve noticed in the near 11 years of being on social media on my kink account that very keen subs/slaves just seem to vanish some after more than 5 years of posting prolifically and been ultra enthusiastic about their sessions and the Mistress they have been serving
Now I know a lot of factors could be in play there could be moving away from an area which means travelling is a problem to get to the sessions or financial problems or a change in a relationship making the sessions no longer possible.
I get all that.

But it is not the same as it used to bed each year more and more of my cyber friends just vanish. I Tweet and when I see the analytics my Tweets barely reach double figures. My account serves no real purpose it is even a waste of time as since I locked my Tweets due to online abuse I can’t even promote Mistress Lilith or the studio as it would be going out to my very few followers.

But back to missing friends of the kink world I wonder how many feel they have hit the wall that they no longer think that they are making the sessions fun.
As I said none of this is on Mistress Lilith at all she has always made me feel safe whilst also keeping me on my toes during the sessions always unpredictable and always positive and fun. Mistress is one of the very few people in my life that are genuinely glad to see me.
The problem is entirely mine. I’ve tried many things during the sessions things that I have never thought of before and I’m glad I tried them I really am as my life has been boring and risk free so to have new experiences is a good thing for myself.

However at the end of the day I think my kink is just too boring. I don’t know how I manage it but I just do.

It is simple. I like to be dressed in a short tight skirt with a wide belt p[ulling in my waist with lacy panties and strappy high heels and a white bloouse and a long hair wig.
Nothing is better being dressed like this and being help over the knee by Mistress and being hand spanked and also hairbrush spanked. I feel alive I feel helpless and dominated and I feel humiliated especially with the scolding and having to say what I am wearing out loud.
Nothing else in my life has given me a bigger thrill than this my heart rate must be sky high.
Standing up in front of Mistress Lilith with my hands out to get the tawse is also such a thrill sheer eurphoria and it forces me to make eye contact which means it enhances the session for me because I can see such a confident strong and beautiful woman having total control over me.
Even strapped over the spanking bench or bondage table when I can’t see Mistress or what item she is going to punish me with is amazing. I prefer over the knee but it is still wonderful

I mean reading this back it looks like I have nothing really to complain about. But I just don’t feel right.
There is a voice in my head getting louder and louder and it tells me that in my kink life I am just as boring a person as I am in my vanilla one.

I know I’m am a nobody in the real world. I have come to accpet that. I also know I’m nothing special in the kink world which is ok it’s not a competition or anything.

It is simple. I like to be dressed in a short tight skirt withha wide belt p[ulling in my waist with lacy panties and strappy high heels and a white bloouse and a long hair wig.
Nothing is better being dressed like this and being help over the knee by Mistress and being hand spanked and also hairbrush spanked. I feel alive I feel helpless and dominated and I feel humiliated especially with the scolding and having to say what I am wearing out loud.
Nothing else in my life has given me a bigger thrill than this my heart rate must be sky high.
Staning up in front of Mistress Lilith with my hands out to get the tawse is also such a thrill sheer eurphoria and it forces me to make eye contact which means it enhances the session for me because I can see such a confident strong and beautiful woman having total control over me.
Even strapped over the spanking bench or bondage table when I can’t see Mistress or what item she is going to punish me with is amazing. I prefer over the knee but it is still wonderful.
There are a couple of things I’ve not tried.

I’ve never had a proper punishment spanking one that would give me a severely red and very sore bum. The sort of spankings I see in the f/f spanking videos I watch it looks amazing to be pushed over your limits especially one video where the girl gets spanked,strapped,tawsed caned and then when she thinks it is all over she gets put over her Mistresses knee and gets a truly blistering hairbrish spanking. That type of video blows my mind. not sure I could take that amount of punishment so I guess I’m contradicting myself

I am also more and more interested in the idea of pegging though I’m not sure my physical ailment would allow that.

I mean reading this back it looks like I have nothing really to complain about. But I just don’t feel right.
There is a voice in my head getting louder and louder and it tells me that in my kink life I am just as boring a person as I am in my vanilla one.

I know I’m am a nobody in the real world. I have come to accept that. I also know I’m nothing special in the kink world which is ok it’s not a competition or anything.

I just feel very alone and lonely and sad and I don’t want to upset anyone in my life and because of this perhaps this is time to call it a day in my kink life.
Writing this has not helped like I thought it would it has just made things looks worse. Nobody reads it anyway so I guess it doesn’t matter much like myself

I will just fade away from the kink scene like I faded away from football and nobody will remember I was ever here,

Everything you wanted to know about visiting a Mistress/Dominatrix for the first time (but were too afraid to ask)

I do not pretend to be an expert but this is my guide written from the heart using my experience and is something I wish I had known before I started on this journey.

1. Finding a Mistress where to start.

For me it was as easy as searching for anything else on the internet.
I just typed in Glasgow spanking Mistress and very many hits came up.
You will find lots of hits for your area if you do this.
There are also many dedicated search sites that have databases of Mistress’s by region.

http://pandemos.net/directory/4582620813
http://www.ukmistressguide.co.uk/ukmistresses.html

2 What to look for on a Mistress’s site

Any reputable Mistress will have a professional website with all the information you need about the Mistress and what services that she offers.
I have been lucky enough to session with Mistress’s in Glasgow and this is her site.

http://www.mistresslilith.com/

The site has all the information you could wish to make your decision.

There will be a gallery of pictures of the Mistress showing what she looks like and some of the clothing she will wear during the session remember you are not ordering a fashion model to dress up for you but many Mistress are happy to wear a special outfit if this is part of your fetish (school teacher look,leather/rubber fetish,uniform)

There will be a description of the services offered during the session and what fetishes the Mistress will cater for so read this carefully.
If your fetish is not listed you can always ask
Apart from the practices that we all find unacceptable (anything involving children or cruelty to animals for instance) I reckon the Mistress you contact will have heard nearly all the fetishes and fantasies there are before so do not be afraid to ask if yours is not listed.

But if for what ever reason the Mistress cannot help you with your fetish then take no for an answer.
This is not up for negotiation if the Mistress does not cater for your particular fetish do not insult her by trying to persuade her to do so you will get nowhere

And under no circumstance ask for any sexual services no true Mistress would ever perform a sex act on a submissive or have a submissive perform a sex act on them if this is what you are looking for I suggest you are not really wanting a Mistress and instead look up the many prostitute/escort sites on the internet.This is about dominant,humiliation,submission and a hundred other things but it is not about sex.

There will be photos and a description of where the session will take place and what equipment is in the dungeon/studio or domestic setting where it takes place so you will know what to expect when you arrive.

There will be a page with reviews from clients just like yourself where you can read about what happened during their sessions,
There is also this good site where you can also read reviews

http://mistressreview.com/Mistress-Reviews/

There will be a page with the tributes (fees) for the session.
Depending on what type of session you want this tribute will vary in price if the tribute is not listed on the website your Mistress will let you know and agree a price once she knows what amount of time and what type of session you want when you contact her by phone.email.
Do not insult Mistress by asking for a discount these fees are non negotiable and if you are looking for money off I would suggest your heart is not into the world of submission rather you are a cheapskate

3 How to contact the Mistress

On the website there will be clear instructions on how to get in touch to arrange a session.
There will be a couple of ways to do this there may be a contact form where you will fill in your email address and space for you to put down the time you would like to visit and a description of what type of session you would like.
If this is not available there will be a mobile phone number for you to call if using the phone it is very important do not withhold your number or your call will not be answered.
Now this is vital to remember you are dealing with a professional and she should be treated as such.
A pro-domme is like any other professional (doctor lawyer etc) and she will be a very very busy person.
Do not send an email or leave a phone message and then send another if you are not answered within a couple of hours.
Be patient and you will get a reply
Do not be a pain and clog up the inbox or voice mail of Mistress with repeated messages this will also see you not get an answer.
Oh and do not be really stupid and start any correspondence with ‘hey babe’ Hi Love’ or anything similar.
You are dealing with a professional dominant woman so treat her with the utmost courtesy and be polite and respectful at all times.
You may also be asked to make a deposit of part of the tribute this is to deter time wasters and should not be a problem if you are a sincere and serious about the session you have booked.

4 The day of the session

Few things to remember

You know that sign in your Doctors surgery that says 58 patients failed to turn up for appointments this month?
Well it is exactly the same with a Mistress.
If you book a session do not treat it as something you can call off on the same day as you have changed your mind.
Respect your Mistress and respect others like you who may not be able to book a session because you have the only time slot that they could mange only to cancel.
You may be asked to phone up a couple of hours before your session to confirm please do this as it is only right and correct that your Mistress knows you are coming.

You will be given clear and easy to understand instructions on how to get to the place where the session will be taking place please make sure you have plenty of time for your journey and that you arrive for your allotted appointment time.

Make sure you are clean and presentable as your Mistress I can assure you will be immaculate and the least you can do is the same.
Make sure you are fresh and tidy have a shower or bath on the morning of your session.
I find that I am still very nervous before my session and this added to the stairs I have to climb to the studio means I am sweating a lot.
What I also do is have some wet wipes and a small can of deodorant to wipe myself down with just before I go to the door of the studio so I look and feel as good as I can for Mistress.

You may want to check the wishlist on your Mistress site for a gift you can bring Mistress.
Be sensible though if the item on the wishlist you buy is a fetish wear item keep it in the bag and out of site the studio may be in a shared building and marching in with a thigh high pair of boots in full show is not a good idea!

5 Before the session

Your Mistress will have discussed by phone or email what sort of session you will have but when you meet in person she will take the time to have a quick chat with you to go over a few things.
This is not the time to be shy if there is anything you do not understand or are unsure about speak up.
For instance I asked how I should refer to Mistress when addressing her.
Some may wish to be know by their full name others by Goddess or Madam
Use whatever you are told at all times as it shows the proper respect.
Mistress will be friendly at helpful before the session and will put you at ease please try not to be afraid to talk to her it will help both of you get the most out of the session.
Your Mistress will discuss what sort of things you are going to do in the session and will perhaps ask you a few things along the lines of

is it ok to mark you with the punishments,

what kind of role play,

what implement you want to use and don’t want to use,

what sort of limits you have

and if you are looking for a more severe punishment you may be given a safe word which when you say it the punishment will stop.
Mistress will be in control and look after you do not be scared nothing will happen that is not agreed on before
Safe sane and consensual is the order of the day.

There is an elephant in the room and that is the handing over of the tribute.
I used to and still feel a bit awkward about this but it really is nothing to worry about.
This is just you paying the going rate for a first class professional service for an expert in their field.
Mistress will ask you for this fee before the session starts and you just hand it over.
Do not be insulted if Mistress wants to count it out in front of you this is to protect you both and make sure all is in order in fact you may well have counted it out wrong and paid too much so it is best all is straight up and above board for all concerned.

Once this is concluded Mistress may leave the room for a minute.
You may be asked to strip off and kneel in the submissive position or if in my case cross dressing is part of the session this gives you time to dress up,
This is the start of your session and from now on Mistress will be in control so sit back and enjoy the ride 🙂

6 The session

Everyone will have a different session depending on their tastes but a brief rule of thumb for them all I think is as follows.

Mistress is in charge,You may have a detailed roleplay and scenario in your mind that you want to try out but Mistress is an expert at this and will give you very close to what you are looking for but will add a few twists of her own which will make the session much better than you dared dream.
Be careful there is a phrase  ‘Topping from the bottom’

If your session involves corporal punishment do not attempt to call the shots and ask to be punished in a certain order or in a certain way.
This will really cheese off your Mistress if you attempt to do this and rightly so.
You are not in control of the session Mistress is and knows far better than you how to do a fun and enjoyable session.

Don’t be worried if you become sexually aroused.Though the session has nothing to do with sex for me it can be an arousing experience when you are dominated by a powerful and beautiful woman.
I would go further it is impossible for me not to be excited and stimulated during a session no matter how much I try not to.
My Mistress always comments on this with me and this adds to the humiliation when I am told my little sissy clitty stick should not be getting hard and I must be punished more for this.

This is the fantasy you have probably had for years and you are fulfilling it so for your own sake enjoy and make the most of it and I know you will have fun if you relax and let yourself go.

Even better your Mistress will have fun as well it gives me so much pleasure seeing Mistress happy during a session and knowing that I have helped make her happy by being the best submissive I can
Like most things in life the more you put into a session means the more you will get out of it I promise you this is the case.
do not be afraid let your inhibitions go you will not regret it.

Now something happened at the end of my first session and has also happened at the end of all the subsequent other ones that I did not expect and I have to mention it.
At the end of the first session I was ordered by Mistress to relieve myself in front of her.
I was so nervous that I could not do it.
Since then I have managed to do it every time I have been ordered to.

There is absolutely no physical contact between myself and Mistress I am ordered to lie down as she stands across the room from me and gives me a time limit to orgasm if I do not do it in this time I am to be punished more.
I do not know if this is the case with all Mistress’s at the end of a session but though it makes me feel a little bit uneasy doing it as I am scared I am objectifying Mistress the fact that I know that Mistress wants me to do it and she would not order me to do it if it did not make her happy and I so want to make her happy during a session.

7 After the session

Mistress will leave when the session is done and give you time to compose yourself and get dressed.
There maybe shower facilities on offer at the studio.dungeon for you to further freshen up.
(I take my life in my hands and use the showers in the train station next to the studio there are a few horror stories I could tell about that! but I have a long journey home by public transport and I don’t want to stink the place out)
Mistress will return and you should be able to have a quick chat about the session with Mistress and you will find her as fun and friendly outwith the session as you did find strict and severe in it,This is the time to ask anymore questions and discuss what you would like to do on your next visit.
But remember Mistress is very busy and will have another session starting soon so do not over stay your welcome no matter how much you are enjoying chatting (I am still guilty of this I just want to stay and talk all day)
Remember to thank Mistress for her time and the session you had.

Well I hope this is helpful to any new subs out there and gives you an idea of what to expect when you visit a Mistress for the first time.
I am @Sissy_Sakur on twitter please feel free to add me if you want to chat or if there are any other questions you have about this I would love to talk with you and try and help in any way I can.

7. My conclusions (update 19-10-21)

I posted this in 2014 when I had been having sessions for 3 years and still not hit double figures in sessions with Mistress Lilith and was still learning as I still am tosay reaching my 10th anniversary of being in submiaaion with Mistress Lilith.

Looking back I think it is still pretty much relevant and I have not edited anything .

If you happen to stumble across this as a novice and it helps that would be wonderful you have to trust me you can’t be any worse of a nervous wreck than I was when I first booked and attended a session. Honestly I was is such a state but withing 5 minutes I knew I had made the right choice and I can say hand on hard ten years later and dozens of sessions in I still fee lthe same sense of excitment and endless wonder every single time I walk into that studio and see and hear Mistress Lilith.
I thought about going for a session literally for about 20+ years before I actually managed to do it and I have only one regret that I ddn’t do it way sooner.

Life for me is fleeting there is nothing that has convinced me on my time of Earth that there is anything after our natural lifespan and that our conciousness dies when we do, Faith is not evidence so I feel you must act on your deepest fantasies now and do not waste a precious moment because it could all end in an instance.

My life in general is not a happy one but the hours spent in a session with Mistress Lilith are as happy a time as I have ever spent in my life. Please do not be scared the reality is much better than the fantasy. Take the plunge don’t have regrets years later you will find a whole new undiscovered country awaits you and will meet some of the very most remarkable people you will ever know in your entre life.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?*

** 

 

So I was pondering my kink life again during a back breaking Saturday shift at work I do not know if I have written about this before and I am too lazy to check my blog so for the tiny number of people who read this I apologies if it is more boring as usual as it is a repeat of an earlier post.

So I was thinking of Mistress Lilith as I do every day at some point and I was as usual going over the last session and how I behaved and did I make sure that Mistress had fun.
I came to the conclusion that I should have done better but I always feel that way. All part of the magic that is me is deep worry,neurosis with a bit of selfl loathing thrown in to the mix

* At the risk of heresy I have always thought that Bohemian Rhapsody is not the best rock song ever written well sung and the guitar playing excellent but I think it is a load of pretentious nonsense.

**   Janus the ancient Romans God of new beginning and the past and future amongst other things. Click his name for more info

 

So anyway I was thinking what is the Vanilla me like compared to Marmy during sessions.

VANILLA ME

Ok first thing is physical apperance
You would notice that I am very small*
Then you would notice my messy hair
The way I now walk with a limp**
Also very hunched up terrible posture
My terrible left eye which is permanently stuck to the left of the socket
Broken nose umpteen times fixed poorly so there is a big bump in it
I am very soft spoken
I dont often talk for very long when I do talk
Very shy painfully shy
I avoid eye contact at all times which seems to worry some people
I have no confidence in myself in work or social occasions none at all
I never put myself forward or want to be noticed
A neurotic mess
So basically a short shy quiet funny looking man
I am also mostly deeply unhappy and full of self loathing
Self hate so bad I cut my arms up with a stanley knife to help stop the mental torment

*   Measured at hospital last month 5 foot 6 inches
** I need an artificial knee and have been told it could be 15 years till I get one

MARMY ME

I walk with perfect posture due to the fact I am still scared of falling wearing high heels so I have a straight back and shoulders and concentrate on each step
The wig I wear hides my bad eye so that makes me happier
I can actually look at Mistress Lilith without hiding away
I maintain eye contact at all times *
I am confident in myself
I actually talk non stop
Most of what I say is very cheeky which is very brave or foolish to do whilst in a session with Mistress Lilth
I am more outgoing than in any other situation in life
I want to look at myself in the mirror
I want Mistress Lilith to take photos and videos of me in the session
I actually like how I look though I know I look ridiculous in womens clothes I do not care
I tell jokes and laugh and even sing which I never do in the vanilla world
For as long as the session lasts I am content with myself and even more surprising I am as happy as I have ever been in my life
Even when I change back into my clothes at the end of the session I still am hyper and excited and talk on and on.

* My first session was nearly my last. I was not prepared for Mistress Lilith having only seen photos on her website.
Seeing this confident,powerful,and beautiful woman in the flesh was too much to take and I thought I will never have another session after this one as Mistress Lilith is just to attractive and all I will do is just stare and then avert my gaze when she looks back at my hideousness.
Thankfully I have mostly stopped feeling like this not that I do not still find it a shock everytime I see Mistress Lilith in a session especially if there has been a few months between them.

So like the picture of Janus at the top of this boring blog post I am two seprate entities in the one body.
I need more of Marmy in my vanillia life more outgoing and fun and not afraid to speak up.
It is how to do it that is the problem.

 

 

 

How a nice tweet turns my Neurosis up to eleven

 

I saw a very interesting tweet today.

I do not want to name the person who tweeted it out of privacy I am not sure what the etiquette is when you do not know someone then quote them elsewhere.

At the time of writing this blog the tweet in question has 171 likes and 46 retweets the tweet reads

A great Dom/me figures out what their submissives secret desires are, and orders the sub to act on them.

A sub who is following a command is free to let themselves go without feeling embarrassment or shame.

It’s such a beautiful aspect of the D/s dynamic.

I understand the popularity of the tweet and by the responce clearly many Dommes and subs/slave agree as well.

It got me thinking about my own sessions.

To session with Mistress Lilith is a tremendous honour and every single session is a joy to take part in.
I never know what to expect and each session is different and is always fun but with added fear of what devious actions Mistress Lilith has thought up since my last visit.

While being at ease and comfortable with Mistress Lilith after 7 years of sessions I still due to my shocking neurosis and shyness never fell able to really let go nor suggest things in the session to try out without topping from the botttom that is of course.

I have no idea why this is, As I said Mistress Lilith has went above and beyond the call of duty with my continual nonsense and borderline paranoia and while always being on my toes to expect the unexpected in a session I still feel I have never really let go and always held back and been reserved.

This worries me because I honestly want Mistress Lilith to have fun indeed more fun than I have during a session this is so important to me and always has been,
I guess it is all to do with my vanillia life which is not a nice one and the only real joy I have is trying to make others happy.

But it annoys me so much I am with Mistress Lilith who I think I am safe in saying knows me really well yet despite her kindness and almost mind reading abilities about me I still can not really let go in a session and the guilt and anguish this causes me is off the scale.

I have zero confidence in every aspect of my life. In a session for an hour I can be who I want to be and let go of any negative thoughts or actions.
But my stupid brain is always nagging away and my general quietness and timidness in the real world seem to invade my kink life and I hae tried everything to stop it but I do not seem mentally strong enough to do it.

So the first part of the great tweet is true Mistress Lilith expertly encourages and manages to get out things I have always kept hidden but yet the second part is the part that depresses me.
Someone so wonderful as Mistress Lilith invests time and effort in me when she really does not have to and I still do not manage to totally let myself go,
I feel it is an insult to the most amazing person I will ever meet and it really gets me down.
I am worried I am boring in the sessions.
It makes me think perhaps I do not deserve the sessions and I should not book anymore and let someone who is going to be a much better sub than me take my place.

To think I could be letting Mistress Lilith down destroys me. MistressLilith deserves muchbetter than me.

So I fell in a river

About 10 days ago I fell into a River to be precise this river ↓

 

I tweeted about it on my kink Twitter and only one person seemed to notice (waves to my Twitter pal he knows who he is) Probably as I have been so down and depressing most of my followers have muted me and I do not blame them,

It is a long boring story and very mostly off topic but I’m fed up and feel the depression coming on so I would rather write and do something constructive than slash my arms with a Stanley knife as I usually do when this mood envelopes me.

Anway fell makes it sound more dignified that it was I went head first after slipping trying to get a tennis ball out before it was swept down river.

To explain
I take my huge puppy walk in my lunch hour 20 mins to river 20 mins playing in river 20 mins back He keeps losing his tennis ball in river as the current is strong and it goes away fast.

Down to last ball (it is the only thing keeps him calm on the walk to and from river) It started to float down stream There was a huge tree trunk washed up on the already tree trunk that spans the river I reached in for ball using tree as balance The tree moved no idea how as it is massive I ended up head first in water Got out and realised I had lost lead which was round my neck.

The water was deep and very cold. But I had to go back in. Taking Giant Puppy a 20 minute walk back home without a lead would cause absolute choas.
Took off my jacket and trousers and put phone at side of river Dived in and it took me 3 goes to find the lead on water bed really had to kick hard to reach the bottom It is about 20 feet plus deep at this part and very dark Third time was really lucky I found it.
I can hold my breath a long time and I purposely stayed under the water and let myself float near the river bed.
I was reminded of the school holidays as a kid where twice a week a bus came to the run down grotty housing scheme I stayed in and took you to posh Bishopbriggs and the sports centre where my friends and I would go swimming.
We would throw a penny into the deep end and take turns diving down to get it.

I’ve always wanted to fly or go into space and the strange almost weightlessness you feel when under water and the etheral sounds of muffled shouting and laughing always made me happy.

Well this was nothing like that.

It was cold really cold and had a real bleak darkness. The sort of darkness that your brain who is trying to kill you tells you it is ok to give up and stop fighting just let your lungs fill up with water it will be a peaceful and quick way to go. A dreamless sleep that lasts for all eternity and an end to all my troubles and worries.

Or like a book I read as a child The Water babies* I could perhaps come out as some sort of human fish hybrid.

It would have been the easiest thing in the world to do and my death though a shock to those few who care would be treated as an accident not a deliberate suicide which leaves real havoc behind.

• I read this book just after my parents had done their flitting. My mum had kept a selection of my childhood books and this was one of them. I didn’t realise as a child that this was actually a Christian narrative but at the same time was basically racist and Anti-Semetic.

 

Anyway I was lulled out of my stupor by the extreme cramp in both legs and arms which treatened to make the decision to drown not my choice.

But there was two other things.

One was life imatating art. Ricky Gervais new show After Life. He loses his wife after a long cancer battle and decides to just give up and tell everyone what he thinks of them then kill himself.
He tries to do it a couple of times once by walking into the sea but his dogs worried barking stops him.

 

 

I was the same. I could hear worried barking and whining from my giant puppy. I thought how will he get home how would anyone know I was here I could not end my existance knowing I had made a dog that sad.
Also I though how would Mistress Lilith find out the news about me? My absence from Twitter and the sessions would be unexplained. I could not and would not leave for any reason without at least saying goodbye to her.
I’ve only known Mistress Lilith for 7 years but she is probably the biggest positive influence in my life even more than people I have know all my life.
Mistress Lilith has been as big an influence on my life as anyone ever has or I think ever will have.
I feel unworthy I feel bad that I let her down I worry that I bore Mistress and I am tiresome. I don’t know everything is complicated right now I’m on new meds and my once great memory is fading plus my eyesight and worst of all I’m going bald.
But in amongst this every 6-8 weeks I have a magical hour where all these things don’t matter.
The sessions just make me feel better about myself.
I don’t feel such a failure or as ugly and unlikable as I do in the real world.
Being with Mistress Lilith is like a magical world where time stands still and there is nothing to worry about.
Mistress Lilith is so very important to me. I know I am one of hundreds of subs who have sessioned with her and am not important I am just another sub no better or worse than any other But Mistress Lilith is still very very important to me I do not want to cause her any trouble dead or alive.
I already have all the presents for Mistress bought and wrapped up (21 of them!) I would miss seeing Mistress hopefully happy opening them it make me happy knowing something I can do that will make Mistress happy that is the only way I can explain it.

So anyway back to me 20 feet underwater with lungs starting to burn I kicked my cramping legs and arms hard and swam back up to the surface where Giant Puppy nearly knocked me out jumping on top of me for joy.

So I don’t really know what this blog post is supposed to be apart from as I said earlier keeping me from self mutilating myself as I spend another night lonley and depressed.

I’m nearly 50. I read that I am now expected to work until I am 75 to get a pension. I  doubt I will live that long. So I am trying to make the best of it and count my few blessings.
If a Giant Puppy who needs me and a wonderful Mistress who not only tolerates my neurotic behaviour but still lets me session despite being booked out weeks in advance then I still have something to stick around for to make the daily grind and pain worth going through.

p.s I want this played at my funeral. Just short enough that my uncouth football team mates over the years will not get bored or leave. Not that many will be bothered to turn up in the first place unless there is a free bar afterwards.

7 year itch

I am not in the best place mentally right now.

My boring real life is anything but boring it has been replaced by stress,drama and just downright fear.

I struggle everyday to motivate myself to go to work even though I did 102 hours last week.

But the real problem is my ongoing fight with depression.

It ruins everything in my life.

For instance my last session with Mistress Lilith was 4 days short of 7 years since I first was lucky enough to be accepted as a client.

The session was the best ever I always say that but I knew from the 1st minute this was going to be special.
I may have went into sub space or I was just deliriously happy but all through the session I felt sheer bliss.

I gave Mistress Lilith an anniversary gift as solid silver matchbook holder from 1903 with Stags and fawns detail (thanks Lars)
Also an early birthday gift a custom made Ghostbusters PKE meter. Sort of flashing spinning lights prop.

Mistress Lilith then gave me the greatest honour I have had ever to carry her bags and accompany her to the station to catch her train.

I tell you I was the proudest man in Scotland to be walking beside Mistress Lilith.
It was almost as good as the session itself to be able to talk to one of the most amazing interesting people I’ve ever known outwith the dungeon setting.
To see Mistress Lilith in the real world. To see how she carries herself how she is brighter more confident and totally beautiful than anyone else in the crowed station.
It really is hard to put into words almost like Mistress Lilith is a higher more advanced species of human one we should all aspire to be.
I told Mistress Lilith that I had an enormous sense of well being which I know sounds silly but it is how I felt.

I always try to tell the truth in life and on this blog

I am not a happy man in the real world. I have many problems most not of my own doing.
With Mistress Lilith I am always happy. Always.

But as quickly as my euphoria came it quickly vanished

My brain is trying to kill me I am deadly serious

On the way home I started worrying about the gifts I gave
I think Mistress liked them she never posted a pic of them on Twitter or Instagram but that is not important and Mistress is far too busy anyway but 2 subs I have spoken to on twitter have privately told me I go far too personal gifts and I should only buy off the Amazon wishlist

I’ve been told by buying gifts I am creating a relationship on a personal level and stepping over the boundaries of what a client should do in regard to gifts to a Mistress.

I can’t stop worrying about this now

That and my current dark place where I am mentally

So it has come to the stage that my session in less than two weeks is scaring me.
Part of me wants to bring the 21 Xmas gifts I already have for Mistress and give her them and check that they are suitable and not over stepping the boundaries

Or should I just do and say nothing and try to enjoy the session

I can’t even be relaxed and happy at the one remaining thing that makes happy

As I said I am not a happy man in the real world. If my fantasy life goes the same way because of my stupid brain then I really am done for.

Can a Mistress learn from a sub/slave?

 

Question in the title was asked by a fellow member of the subsunion (Hi Lars) on Twitter which got some rich and varied answers. A really good question which got lots of replies and gave a good insight into the mindset of my fellow submissives and how they view the relationship in a session with their Mistress.

While we are on the subject of the subsunion I strongly urge you to check out the great new blog site Subs Union Blog

I highly recommend it as it has interesting insightful articles from very astute subs and certainly better than the same navel gazing self pity rubbish you will read here.

Back to topic and I was surprised one Mistress answered and said she had learned a lot from her clients. most of my fellow subs friends they had learned a lot from their Mistress and a couple said they thought it was a two way street and both parties could learn things over a period of time in the sessions.
I respect the views of my fellow subs a lot and it was good to read their thoughts as they answered in depth and very honestly.

However my neurosis and anxiety make me worry when asked a simple question like this.

I can’t or would not  presume to speak for Mistress Lilith

Mistress Lilith has 19 years of being a Domme and has trained many more Dommes in that time.
I guess she has seen and done it all in her time  with subs and all sorts of weird and wonderful kinks and fetishes so nothing would faze her.

I personally do not think Mistress Lilith has learned a thing from me in the 6 and a half years that I have been fortunate to serve.
In my case it certainly is not a two way street I am the only person who is learning anything which is great but at the same time I wish I could be memorable enough or interesting enough to make some kind of impression.
Don’t get me wrong the sessions are great and they are exciting and scary and unpredictable thanks to Mistress Lilith’s wicked sense of humour and strictness.

It is all on me I cause problems for myself my anxiety goes through the roof at the best of times and during a session which is one of the few real joys in my life they take over

 

 

In fact the real worry is not can I teach my Mistress anything new it is more that I am worried that instead of a exchange of ideas and a fun session for both parties my particular kink and still shyness in a session makes me appear boring
Again this is all on me Mistress Lilith has always been great in every session and keeps me on my toes I genuinely do not know what to expect which is a testament to an amazing Mistress.

It is myself that worries.

No two way street no exchange of ideas or a teaching moment just a run of the mill bog standard and perhaps a boring sub
I bore myself in the real world a lot of the time so it would be not huge surprise if I am boring in my kink life.

 

 

So the answer to the question is in my case I don’t think so. I don’t think a painfully shy sub with six and a half years experience of sessions has anything to teach a very experienced Mistress of over 19 years .

It may well be different for other subs and their Mistresses  but I am as sure as I can be that it is not a learning experience is a session with me I am far too predictable and unexciting.

I am best to just listen and learn and enjoy during a session and try and make it fun for the Mistress I serve.
I honestly don’t think I have much to teach anyone.
So I guess this is a long and round about way of me answering the question by saying some subs may teach a Mistress occasionally in a session but I am in real doubt that I ever have or will

 

 

 

 

 

2018 year in review Between Scylla and Charybdis

So another year (my sixth and a half) as a submissive.

What have I learned?

Probably that no matter what I try my submissive kinky side mirrors my vanilla real life persona.

I always think of myself as the nearly man in the boring real world
I nearly was a full time football player and was close to making it big but just fell short*.
I nearly married the love of my life but fate played a hand to stop it**
Neither of these were entirely my fault but again as I am the common denominator I guess I have to own up and admit there maybe I’m to blame for both.
I now worry I am the nearly man in my kinky life.

* Three Scotland caps at Under 16 and Under 18 level then I was let go as I was on the verge of making it into the 1st team of a really big club and then homesickness and having to earn money as my family was going through a crisis stopped my football career dead in it’s tracks

** This hurts to this day. I had a real chance at happiness with the woman of my dreams the love of my life and boy did I make a complete mess of it. I wrote about it at length on my vanilla blog but I bore enough people with my kinky blog so I doubt anyone would want to read it on here if I posted a link

So yeah the nearly man. This year I only managed 4 sessions not for the want of trying 2 sessions were last minute cancellations when the fates decreed they would stick their neb in where it was not wanted.

The Xmas one was particularly hard to take as I had lots of presents that I was so looking forward to giving to Mistress Lilith,
I try to be as honest as I can in this blog and I am not going to lie not being able to hand over the present I got ruined the festive season for me it really did

My best friend calls me an emotional vampire. I asked what it meant. He said when things are happy and I am relaxed with friends I bloom and blossom and am a very fun person to be with in a positive atmosphere.
The opposite is true if something goes wrong or I am feeling down or with negative people then I resort to being a doom monger and wallow in self pity and sadness.
I suck the happiness or sadness in a situation and act accordingly.

Anyway I psychoanalyse myself  far too much in this blog I am sure everyone is as bored with it as I am.

The actual sessions in Abstrakt Me  were great as always. Mistress Lilith is in semi retirement and only works two days a week now and is enjoying the well deserved time off.
However her love and infectious enthusiasm is still very clear and the sessions are as good if not better than ever.

This year I had my first session in the schoolroom which was wonderful despite the heat from the unusually scorching hot heatwave that got lost on the way to the Caribbean and ended up sitting over Scotland for a few weeks *
The other sessions with the input of Mistress Lilith were of a more severe variety which added a whole new dimension and outlook for me.

* The session in the schoolroom added a whole new dimension and though I have grown used to and like the dungeon setting it was nice to be somewhere a little different. Oh but the heat. Mistress Lilith was amazing and as wonderful as always but I was struggling with both windows open and a fan on plus two ice packs I was perspiring even worse than normal and left the room three inches deep in my sweat (well it seemed like that)

The schoolroom after the flood level of my sweat had been removed

I had said a few times without thinking to Mistress Lilith that I thought it impossible to be spanked over the knee and be reduced to tears. I felt that a hand spanking would have to take too long no matter how skilled the spanker and I guess in a way I still think this is true and am willing to be proved otherwise.However Mistress Lilith as usual without any fuss or warning managed to skilfully raise my limits and the remaining three sessions were harsher than the last.

The main catalyst for this seemed to be the introduction of the wooden bath brush.
How can I describe it?

Sheer hell
Bloody murder
Absolute agony
Total nightmare
Pure pain
Severe anguish

Basically all of the above.
It looks nothing sitting on the counter. In the hands of the wickedly adroit Mistress Lilith it becomes almost a supernatural entity.
The pain from even one blow is something to behold. The accuracy of two or three blows on the exact same spot has you crying out loudly. More than a minute of constant spanking and you are reduced to tears.
The last 2 sessions of the year were within a fortnight of each other in October. In both I am sure I Way exceeded my limits in the amount of punishment I took.
I was badly bruised and  the skin was broken in several places. The joy this gave me was sheer bliss.
I hate my body but I could not stop looking at the marks on my bum.

Now it is not a competition and I am not saying it is but from my fellow friends on twitter (waves at the subs union) I have always surmised that I take a lot less punishment than they do. I now no longer think this is the case.
Funnily enough with being punished so hard that I am crying you would think the session would be harsh and very serious.
I find the opposite is true between the punishments there is lots of joking and laughing.
I do not know why this is the case it just seems to be and it is great fun.
So I move onto 2019 and should be hoping for more sessions but I am in a between Scylla and Charybdis situation* all of my own making.
For reasons of my own stupid silly neurosis I am wary of asking for a session. My good mate Lars earlier on in the year read me the riot act about my being needy and wanting too much time of Mistress Lilith so I find myself desperate for a session but scared to ask for one. I don’t trust myself to not annoy and pester someone who I love to the moon and back. I just do not trust myself

* Im sure you know what it  is but click the link if you don’t.

So I head into 2019 with a lot of fears and worries I really do not know what to expect. As everything inside my head and real life is crumbling I try to cling on to some sanity and fun in my kinky life.
I want more sessions.
I want to try and challenge my hard limits of which a birching and a strap on session are two I have been wanting to try for years
But my pathetic paranoid self is walking familiar paths again and I am not sure I will have another session never mind ask to try something new

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eternal sunshine of the submissives mind

(Yes I know I’m rubbish at photoshop)

For nearly 6 years I have been visiting Mistress Lilith and I tentatively think I can call myself a true submissive.
First of all this is not a competition or comparison with my fellow subs.
We are all different in all but one respect that we love and admire the Mistress we serve.

My last session with Mistress Lilith makes me with a caveat of course was a different level than I have had before.
The previous session which I wrote about here was a truly remarkable experience where without much fuss or fanfare my limits were delicately and deviously pushed way beyond anything I had ever had before.
Again it is not a competition everybody has limits it is none of my business what any other sub can take as punishment I am only judging on what I myself can take.

The last session it was 10 days before the marks faded from my bum. This was by far the longest any punishment had lasted, Mistress Lilith had warned me in one of the most exciting yet scary tweets I had ever seen

 

 

It was the session of a lifetime. It made me as happy as I have ever been. However I wondered if I had sort of reached a peak.Not with Mistress Lilith I mean you could have one hundred sessions and it would be as fresh new and unpredictable such is her talent and devilish imagination.
No it was me who thought about the next session and wondered how it could possibly compare to the last one.

One thing kept coming back to my mind was have I reached the submissive version of hitting the wall?
I was punished way above what I have been used to I could see no way that the next session could be harsher.

Then again I should have know better that Mistress Lilith would have other ideas. The run up to the session was low key I never really tweeted much about it just to say I was looking forward to it. I kept busy reading blogs from two good fellow subs and I would like to think friends on twitter find them here well worth a read much better than my ramblings

slave5toelysia

Beardedsub 

So session day finally came. I was like a drowned rat.Storm Bawbag or whatever it was called hit Glasgow and kept hitting. Me having no sense has a silly pair of training shoes on which instantly got soaked. My knee (I will need an artificial one in 2 year according to specialist but thats a whole other story too boring to go into) was really hurting I tried and failed to hide the limp. I arrived at the studio and was scared to come in the door as I was a literal walking puddle.

Mistress Lilith looked after me got me a towel and let me compose myself* and we had a brief chat before I got dressed knocked on the door twice** and waited for the session to start.

 

 

*I’m the absolute opposite of composure before a session. I talk myself into a frenzy instead of calming down.
** I should explain this is the signal that I am dressed and ready for the session to start. Every and I mean every time I chap the door I hurt my knuckles I’m sure I have left an imprint the amount of times I have hit the door far too hard.

 

So the session starts and my knee is barking. Mistress Lilith does not mess about I am over her knee for a hand spanking. Right away I knew something special was going to happen. I can’t explain it I’m the least spiritual/magical/whimsical person you could meet I have no beliefs other than proven scientific facts I consider everything else to be nonsense.
But I can only say and claim I felt something special was going to happen, I can’t explain the feeling but it was there. There seemed to be electricity in the air there was an almost thick shadow like walking into to a convention of cigar smokers it was real it was not my Now as I have said many times before a hand spanking from Mistress Lilith is no laughing matter it hurts a lot and quickly. This one seemed much harder. I don’t think it technically was Mistress putting more force in I just seemed to feel it more than usual.
Thankfully the wooden paddle was missing but the leather paddle with holes also made an appearance and I was already struggling. Again I don’t think it was used with more force than usual it just hurt more.
Then the worst of the lot the big wooden hairbrush made an unwelcome appearance it was upstairs in the school room where it was bothering nobody and I was quite happy about this but Mistress Lilith made an effort to get it just for me which I said was most kind of her to do

 

 

Of course my sarcastic tome did not go unnoticed and the hairbrush spanking was by far the worst I have ever had. Everything is relative I guess but the previous session I think it took about 20 minute to have me literally crying my eyes out.
This session it took less than 5.

I know my resistance may have been weaker due to my damaged knee but I really don’t think this was the main cause. I think it was for the first time in all my session I really let myself go and truly submitted, I don’t mean in the others I was holding back or not treating them seriously I try to do the absolute best in every single thing I do in life.
I think this session was me finally letting go of all inhibitions at last.

Onto the spanking table. Mistress Lilith then used the bigger leather paddle  I was pushed right to the brink with this  I thought I was going to have to say the safe sentence*
Somehow I managed to take all the strokes bawling my eyes out much to Mistress Lilith’s delight I don’t think I have heard her laugh as much as she did in this session which really pleases me.
I turned my head to the side to watch Mistress Lilith as she went to the container that has the canes. She picked out a very thin cane looked like it was covered in black leather and smiled and said is a gleeful voice ‘Oh look something new let us try it out Marmy’
I knew this was not going to be fun even from the sound it made as Mistress Lilith swished it in the air.
But the sight of such a powerful strong dominant and beautiful woman swishing a cane makes my heart leap with joy I normally avoid eye contact but I just could not stop looking at Mistress Lilith.
‘I’m going to leave marks that will last for a month this time’ a sentence that made me want to faint through fear and joy at the same time

 

 

*I’m not going to give away the secret of what the safe sentence is. It is very rude and very funny and book a session and find out for yourself I dare you.

 

Now remember at this point I was at breaking point. I reckon the pain and the amount of times I burst out crying had already beaten (pardon the pun) the last session which was itself miles harsher than any before. So I was genuinely scared of what was to follow and thought I will have to say those horrid words. At the same time I was having a great session and I think I can say with confidence Mistress Lilith was really enjoying herself so I vowed to make an effort to last as long as I could.
‘We will start with twenty’ Mistress Lilith said in a happy sing song voice.

The first stroke came almost as the last word came out of her mouth I was not expecting it to happen so fast.
How to describe that first stroke?
I was lying on my tummy fully stretched out on the bondage bed.
I went from this position to my top and bottom half of my body suddenly jerking upward.
My body went into the shape of the letter U.

Nothing I have had in the sessions before hurt me as much as that first stroke* I was totally unprepared for it. I also let out one of those cries that starts with just air no words a sort of hissing sound you hear when you turn the gas ring on your cooker. Then when I could catch breath I let out what can only be described as a Yodel with a Scottish accent going through the octaves from soprano to deep baritone.
This was breaking point there was no way just no way I could take a stroke more.
But Mistress Lilith was so happy.
‘Oh this is a lovely cane’ she almost sang and came over and smiled and patted me on the head.

Then and there I think I became a proper submissive no matter how much it was going to hurt I wanted to make it to the end.
The next stroke was ever worse than the first one.
Then three in a rapid succession a eye watering burst of pain
I could hear Mistress Lilith’s heels as she walked back and forward I would then feel the cane on my bottom and was flinching waiting for it to leave then come crashing down again so bad my legs started to shake.
I had no idea I was capable of taking this much punishment and I know anyone who is daft enough to have read this far is probably thinking it is nothing to the punishment they take but as I said I have never considered my fellow subs as competitors we all have different limits and none of us should have to justify what is too much pain to anyone
I always felt safe at no time did I feel things were out of control even though a million things were going through my mind I kept thinking this is me really arriving as a submissive I am pushing my limits here and have given myself totally over to Mistress Lilith.

 

*In no particular order the implements I am scared of most
Red /Black studded paddle (even getting the black side rubbed across you hurts it is so rough
Large wooden brush. Sheer pain that is all I want to say about it
Vegan whip Absolute murder covers every inch
Large wide leather paddle another horrid one that hurts the entire cheek
New black thin cane see above

 

Through tears I said to Mistress Lilith that a strange thought came to my mind,A quote from film director Alfred Hitchcock.
Im paraphrasing here

If a bomb goes off in a film after 30 minutes the audience will get a fright and be scared for a few seconds. If in my film they are told a bomb will be going off in 30 minutes from now they will be scared for a full 30 minutes.’

 

This is nearest I could find

 

 

This also made Mistress Lilith laugh she said it was the first time Alfred Hitchcock had been quoted in a session to her

The rest of the strokes were almost a blur. All  I remember was being told to count them out properly and stop ‘sobbing’ the numbers out or it would start from the beginning again.
Even thought it hurt so much I felt so happy Mistress Lilith kept a running commentary on how my bum was looking if there were cane marks or bruising.
I love it when she does this.

Now at this stage I was a snivelling sobbing mess. My bum hurts so much even when I was walking.
But the best was yet to come.

I was ordered down the steps and to lie on all fours. I was then caned with a normal cane which whilst not as bad as the evil black one was very painful and again I was crying my eyes out.
But then the most wonderful thing happened and something I will remember to my dying day I am deadly serious about that.
I have never felt so happy nor as submissive I was totally and utterly under Mistress Lilith control.
Mistress Lilith stood astride me and started to cane me vertically.
These strokes hurt just as much as the evil black canes ones.
What was worse was there was no number specified I had no idea when it was going to stop a proper punishment caning I’m certain it was my first and just as certain and hope it won’t be my last.

Then the most wondrous and magical thing happened to finish off the best session of my life.
Mistress Lilith told me to stop moving and she was fed up with my sobbing.
Mistress Lilith got my head and tightly squeezed it between her legs* while she continued the rest of the caning.
I could not move was in severe pain from a blistering caning but all I could do was look at Mistress Lilith’s perfect legs and her high heels and I experienced a feeling of sheer bliss there are very few occasions in my life where I have felt such joy
I couldn’t really hear anything just felt the cane strokes as they lashed down on me.
This was my first proper punishment caning there was no set number to count I was going to get as many as Mistress Lilith decided.
I just though how this must look a Dominant powerful beautiful woman totally in control and me having my head clamped by her shapely but powerful calf muscles .
I no longer cried out in pain I just kept saying Oh God Oh God Oh God**
I’m deadly serious. This final caning was one of the happiest joyous and amazing things that has ever happened to me in my life my real or fantasy life it is right up there with some of the truly joyous moments I have had and is by a mile the best thing that has happened to me in years.My heart was so full of such joy I felt it may burst.

This moment this perfect moment of clarity where I was in total submission to a powerful dominant and gorgeous woman I had reached my Nirvana.
The caning finally stopped and I was released I was then ordered to kiss Mistress Lilith’s shoes both of them this filled me with great joy as well.
I would never dream of topping from the bottom but my dearest wish is in a future session to be caned and have my head clamped again in this manner.

 

*This had briefly happened before in a triple domme session when Mistress Ana was spanking me over her knee and she asked Mistress Lilith to keep my head still and she clamped my head with her legs.It was wonderful then but even better this time.

** I’m not kidding I was at a level of happiness I never really knew existed.I hope to experience it again.

 

So I got home and managed to get a good look and take pictures of my backside! I’m too shy to post them. It was amazing such precision cane strokes and bruised and marked all over.
It was by far harsher than the last spanking no doubt in my mind.
Makes me wonder what the next one will be and how it can undo the last one.
One thing for sure Mistress Lilith will manage to do it.

I posted this tweet after the session and I stand by it every word.

 

 

Only a poet could put into words the sheer beauty of Mistress Lilith and the session with her.The twaddle I have written above does not do it an iota of justice
I am so thankful I have been lucky enough to session with her and I hope to as much as possible and as long as possible.
I have a genuine and platonic love for Mistress Lilith she is a star who I am happy to orbit and occasionally be allowed to gaze at her in all her glowing beatitude
This clip is exactly how I feel about Mistress Lilith I don’t care if people find it soppy.

 

 

 

No….. words to describe………..No words to describe….poetry they should have sent a poet..so beautiful…so beautiful….so beautiful..so beautiful. I had no idea..I had no idea